BEDA - Day Thirty - Theme Songs

First of all, I really hope I am not actually pissing any people off by still calling this BEDA. We all know I failed it. I just want the filing of posts to look pretty. Please bare with me. There are many great people actually participating in BEDA and succeeding. Here are two blogs that I am reading often by Kristina and Hayley.

Okay, now that we're friends again, I'd really like to talk about Theme Songs. I have been thinking about the importance and power of music and how sharply one song can steer ones or freeze moments in time, and so I am going to make a list of the songs that have affected me the most during the difficult and capricious month of August.

Fun Fact: Google "Theme Songs" (yeah, I'm a professional at this) and Rhett and Link's American Idol song comes up in the First Page results. Yay, Internet People!

What is a Theme Song? It is usually a signature phrase of music or song lyrics that are entwined within a particular moment, usually on film, television or radio. However, Humans, being all equally important and often quite wonderful, have begun compiling their own lists and "soundtracks" to particular days, seasons and moments in their life for a very long time now. This activity, often referred to as, "making a playlist, man," has exploded since the dawn of tapes, CDs and mp3 players (with a little help from Genius on iTunes, unfortunately and sometimes fortunately) and is a way we like to connect with each other and with the dust that is ourselves.

My Theme Song, for a few reasons (mostly related to matters of the heart and the intensity of my err, business-life), for this month, is Bulletproof by La Roux.

Been there done that messed around,
I'm having fun don't put me down
I'll never let you
sweep me off my feet.

I was criticized for neglecting obligations this August in favour for traveling and meeting new friends. I do not regret my decision to do this because everything has worked out well anyway, obligations were kept and seeking out adventures with new friends will always be Number One on my list.

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
To walk away from something
when it's dead.

Do do do your dirty words
Come out to play when you are heard
There's certain things
that should be left unsaid.

Tick tick tick tick on the watch
And life's too short for me to stop
Oh baby, your time is running out.

I won't let you turn around
And tell me now I'm much too proud
All you do
is fill me up with doubt.

This time baby I'll be bulletproof,
This time baby I'll be bulletproof.

I often hum this song quietly while walking around New York City and I always find myself repeating those lines over and over again. Sometimes, depending on what has happened, I swap out the "This time" for "Next time."

August 2010 Playlist:

1. Bulletproof by La Roux - "This time, baby, I'll be bulletproof." It's more like a wish for me than an affirmation.

2. Clint Eastwood by Gorillaz - this came on while I was at Luke's surprise party at Spin NYC (a pingpong-themed place that confused me very much) on Friday and it just suited the mood so perfectly because we had been waiting for over an hour for Luke to show up and we didn't know what was going on. We were all sitting along one long bench, all facing the same direction, and I couldn't help but imagine a pan-shot of us all looking confused and dejected.

Later, I couldn't get the song out of my mind. It seems to fit my life quite well right now. One big deep breath before I get my shit together and things really start happening. Plus the lyrics to this song are awesome, especially the verses.

I ain't happy,
I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine in a bag
I'm useless but
Not for long
The future is coming on

3. I Get Around by Dragonette - No need to include lyrics. The track name says it all. This song is perfect for foolish Summer days that get you into trouble later.

4. Don't Blame Me by Mike Lombardo - "you're always talkin' 'bout problems. Well listen, baby, that's why you've got 'em." A reminder and a lesson to not become this person, sometimes, when I'm feeling quite vampire-like, I steer down this path. Take advice and stand up or shut up. This is another little line that I repeat to myself often.

5. Short Skirt, Long Jacket by CAKE (I love this music video, click <<) - Sometimes I want to be this girl. Minus all the money crap. There's something about being able to live each day to the fullest, even if it means until the very last tick of the clock, and then seeking out the next day immediately. I'd like to be the girl that doesn't take any bullshit and makes her own rules.

I want a girl who gets up early
I want a girl who stays up late
I want a girl with uninterrupted prosperity
Who uses a machete to cut through red tape
With fingernails that shine like justice
And a voice that is dark like tinted glass

One extra song I'm digging is Whod Have Known by Lily Allen. It's silly and cute and reminds me of some happier moments and happier mistakes that occurred over the past year. I just heard it for the first time the other day so it's been on my mind.

That's it. Ya dig?

What happened on August 30th?

I had slept over Luke's again-I crashed at his place after his Last of the Canadians Party and we spent all of Sunday together hanging out-and in the morning, after getting up early to get ready for work and help carry some heavy boxes to the UPS Store to be shipped, I said a final goodbye to his lovely 9th Street apartment and to him, my dearest friend in New York. I had cried a lot about Luke leaving on Saturday night, so I held back the tears that morning but there was an ache in my chest that followed me into a cab and throughout the morning.

I had this wonderful dream before the day began, though. Livestream was in legal trouble (That's not why it was wonderful and I don't know why it was in legal trouble in my dream but it was Luke's fault) and I was in Los Angeles with two other people that were at first females but then became Luke and another boy (err... sorry, Luke? Sorry dream girls?)

We were traveling through the highway that was really high up in the air, level 100, and we pulled up to this building where we could steal back the evidence they, whoever they was, had on us. We went into an elevator which went up really fast, and there weren't always walls surrounding the elevator. The doors would rattle and the wind would whistle through and I remember being terrified of the idea of falling out into the dark night air.

Somehow nobody noticed our presence as Luke got onto the computer and found the evidence he needed. We clickly left the building, people passed us by but didn't think anything of us.

As I was walking out the door, Rachel Bilson and Krysten Ritter were entering and I decided to speak up and fan-girl them. They seemed impatient and bored at being noticed, but they politely let me have my way with them. Before I left them alone I mocked myself and said sarcastically, "See you next time in Los Angeles!" Getting the joke: I wouldn't, they laughed and went inside.

We were disturbed to find that there was a roadblock just outside the building and ID's were being checked by police. I began to panic, but the other boy with us found a free route (the other direction was completely void of law enforcement) and we made our escape with no trouble.

The whole time in the car I was nervous, wondering about how we could not get in trouble for what we did. I was so worried that I woke up. The sun had not yet scared away the gray-blue of the morning. It was 7am. I went back to sleep.

After I left Luke's I had a meeting at work to figure out what was going to happen during the rest of time here and if this United States part of my life would continue. The offer on hand was generous with more kindness than I deserve. I am feeling more positive about my future as a direct result of that meeting or at least the end of the year.

There was so much to do at work. I was tied to my computer all day. I didn't have time to eat properly and found comfort in some kosher pickles.

I received disturbing news from Jen that day, and I did my best to apologize for any hurt I caused her and explained the situation exactly as it was. I was frustrated, wondering if the person who had brought her the news was also trying to hurt me too. I'm not trying to seem self-absorbed here, since that is something he criticizes me for, but his actions seemed quite dramatic to me. He didn't need to do what he did because nothing was as serious as it apparently was in his head, not for Jen or I. I'm sad because I understand his frustration with me and I would like to somehow apologize and remain friends with him, but I don't know how much time I should give him to be alone or if I should even bother at all...

Jen was going to an MNDR show and so I picked up the other ticket she had bought to try to make up for my mistakes and to have a good night out with her. I owed her that, probably more. I still feel pretty bad about what happened and I'm mad at myself for being so naive. I feel undeserving of her forgiveness.

While listening to MNDR play I felt very sad. One moment from Saturday night kept replaying over and over in mind and I had this unnerving feeling that somehow manifested itself into an eerie feeling that I was about to physically get a knife in my back.

Perhaps more bad times are coming, "friendlationship" wise?

Afterwards, I bought Jen dinner at Candela Candela, which I had been to before with Emily and Louise during the Summer of 2008, and I had this amazing trio lasagna filled with vegetables and a chianti, which induced a lot of Hannibal Lector noises.

Walking up Second Avenue after dinner, I had a case of word vomit, not being able to get over the sad events of Saturday night.

As we past Luke's apartment, I felt sad knowing I wouldn't visit that room again and then I realized that I left the jello I bought the night before there. I bought two six-packs of jello, I don't really know why. I guess I thought we'd watch a film and eat a lot of it, but when I got to his apartment I instantly wanted to get ready for bed. I forgot to make a call that I had promised to make and quickly wolfed down a chocolate and then strawberry cup with Luke before putting it in the fridge. I found it funny that my sadness quickly bounced from friend problems to lost Jello, I am silly. I had then played Flowers vs. Zombies for a little while before trying to watch Spaced before falling asleep. It felt nice to feel tired and to be going to bed early.

I'll miss my comforting nights with Luke.