Friday, 30 June 2006

Butterflies & Hurricanes

Did I tell you that Harry kissed me? At 5 in the morning. It was nice, and we both laughed for ages afterwards because we have known eachother for 5 years and it took us all that time just to kiss.

I had to work the next day, and even though I had only had about 2 hours of sleep, I made it through the day with a smile on my face. I just kept thinking about it, "Harry kissed me." And work was the best.

Soon after though, I began to push him away, I was feeling rather stressed you see, and everything was happening all at once, and I became very emotional. So I wouldn't see him, and wasn't very nice to him. And even now that I have seen him I'm still distant.

I got scared I think. I didn't want our relationship to change, plus I heard him calling me 'The Missus' on the phone to Matt, and I cringed at that term. It was just a joke, but it made me feel trapped and like I belonged to someone, and that just made me angry. I don't belong to anyone!

The clouds are very stormy tonight, today too, they were the darkest I've seen them in ages. But no rain has fallen and no lightning has struck the sky. It's just dark and looming.

Something Wicked This Way Comes.

I'm listening to Muse at the moment, I really love his voice. And at the moment I am in love with English Muffins, jam and milk, it's so nice.

I have also made a major decision. England isn't that important to me anymore, oh yes, I'm still going over there, and I don't know for how long and I do plan to crack the acting scene and get some kind of work...but America has it all, it really does. In the US you really can make acting your job, because you get so much work every week. Here in Oz it's like once every six months, and in the UK, I'm sure it's more but not as much as the US.

So though I still plan to go and live in the UK for a while, the US is my ultimate destination, unless something amazing happens here in Oz or the UK. Like getting an actual paid gig. That'd be wicked. Though money doesn't matter much to me when it comes to work. It gives you more credibility though if you are known as being actor whose work gets her paid.

I'm saving really well though, I'm really proud of myself. It's because I'm not going out very much or anything.

Dust and dirt between the keys.

I feel so lazy. I woke up at around 12 and have sat around on my arse all day, and I haven't seen anyone, it's really annoying. Because I hate going through the day without seeing at least one person. I don't know what is happening with Sarah, I know Emma is her best friend, but we used to hang out all the time...and now we don't. I wish I had a best friend. Like, one that is around all the time. Emily is off yonder and I hardly see her now that she got snarky about picking me up, and Sarah has Emma. And I, I guess I mainly had Harry. But now that we have kissed I'm not so desperate to see him anymore... I know why, and I know it's bitchy. It's the whole chase thing that I'm addicted too.

I think I'm just waiting for that spark thing. I haven't experienced that properly since Scott and Ashton. I didn't get that spark from Harry, like I hoped I would...I wonder if he did. I don't think so.

Anyway, I think if I don't see anyone tonight, I'm going to take care of myself, I'm going to write out my plans and set real goals, search facts on the net, research jobs I could do in the UK or the US, and start getting my UK passport application together, and I also might do some exercises and clear out all my old clothes, because I saw people in the city yesterday and everyone looked really well dressed, and I want to look my best as well. So I'm going to look at the fashions on the web and see what clothes I like and put them on my To Get List.

Shall be grand I'm sure, shall be grand.

Oh and I'm slightly annoyed at GIR, it keeps clashing with work, and work is getting harder and harder to shift.

It's rather frustrating.

Change the world and use this chance to be heard!

"Butterflies And Hurricanes"

everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights, battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

everything you are
and everything you were
your number has been called
fights and battles have begun
revenge will surely come
your hard times are ahead

you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now

let yourself down
don't let yourself go
your last chance has arrived

you've got to be the best
you've got to change the world
and you use this chance to be heard
your time is now"

- Butterflies and Hurricanes - Muse.

Saturday, 24 June 2006


This blog was originally posted on MSN Spaces...

If superman was a normal human being, what would he be doing instead of saving the world?

It is these thoughts and more the penetrate this deep abyss of a brain of mine.

I am in Hercules...



And ice blue contact lenses for Cane and Red Dress!

Sarah? England?

Stupid money - not enough!

Boo, money!

Work, work, work.

Wanda is a bitch.

Boo to her.

I like Rum & Raisin icecream.

I don't feel well.

Early starts! Early starts!

No Day But Today - Oy - Look over here!

Fog! I'm singing in the fog, just singing in the fog, what a wonderful feeling I feel like a frog!

I ran on the road, I swung on a pole, I danced in the fog!

Aaaah, darn Luke and Tracey watching!

I'm not talking to you matey!

7/11 hours? Who knows!?

Too much shift changing at Blockbuster.

Boring day today there.

Sore and tired.

Stressed and losing weight, losing fat in the boobs - NO!!!

Aw friends!

I'm Emma, nah nah nah - just kidding, aw, that was funny.

Love you Sarah & Emma & Emma & Sarah.

Alex's birthday coming up.

Wedding dress - pretty.

Saw mum, ate noodles...nice house.

Driving with grandma a lot.

License - too lazy! Licence...Lisence...Lisense...heeheehee.

Crows and hallways.

Kisses recieved.

Very nice.

Don't know what to do now.

Just what things to stay the same.

Glad it happened though.


Hello James!

Drove me around to rehearsals.

The Breakfast Club would make such a good play.

Pajama Game, Bugsy Malone - which to try for.

Stage Manager - Harray!

Aw - nice program photos...want copies!

All ok for G.

Cane tomorrow!

Work for free - ugh?

Remi is famous! Wow!

Movies - I must see more!

Sleep is needed.


I like food, but not right now, and stomach wants some, but I'm too tired.

Gotta keep my cool - ooooh - what will Harry say when he sees? :D

Love Always & Latro The Bad Hat and The Shouting Maccas Booth.

Monday, 12 June 2006

Woah! & The Return Of That Feeling...

I have made this Most Viewed section of the Videos on Buzznet! On the 3rd or 4th page...

And all because I included the word Panic! Hahaha.

Silly fans!


That old feeling that I thought I had long forgotten has returned.

Maybe it's because over this weekend I have been surrounded by charming men.

But I suddenly feel that old longing to be with someone or like someone. But I can't bring myself up to actually "liking" anyone because I keep seeing the reasons not too before I even do.

Usually the reasons, 'It would be embarrassing if they found out' and age are the main ones that stop me from liking anyone.

But golly, heehee - golly, do I feel that feeling of longing again - It's a pretty awesome feeling, but depressing at the same time...maybe it's just because I watched Titanic on TV last night and balled my eyes out? Maybe it's because for a long time I've had a good time with other guys other than know, like, he isn't the only good guy out there.

I had a really good weekend, rehearsing and chilling out at my Mum's home. It's really peaceful there.

I was in a bad mood when I got to work, but as soon as Sam and Stacy started to warm up to me, and Sam talked about his feelings and how his girlfriend broke up with him we all had a really good laugh. EDIT 10/17/10: Umm, okay? I'm sure it wasn't as cruel as you wrote it. I would like to have Sam like me, he's really cute and funny...but I know it wouldn't work, and I know he couldn't like me. I'm cheering on for a Stacy and Sam couple, they would be really nice together and he would probably bring Stacy out of her shell more. Stacy is cool, but sometimes she seems really cold towards me - I don't know what she thinks of me.

Man, I feel like a whining Big Brother contestant. Ugh.

I had an OK time when Ben came in too, I did that trick where you knock the back of someones knee and their leg buckles...and then he jokingly tried to put me in the bin, but stopped...and then he was like, Sam, let's put Caitlin in the Recycling Bin...but they didn't...I don't really want to look at if he really hates me or not, but he was laughing nicely the whole time so I don't think he was doing it out of, I would really like to be good friends with him, we have some good times...but I couldn't go out with him...I wish he wouldn't be such a sook and just accept that!


Anyway, I'm tired of talking, all these love and sexy songs are coming on, on random player...and it's freaking me out - I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT COUPLES OR LOVE OR SEX OR ANY OF THAT CRAP!

Gosh, the boys in ************* !!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA - from caitlin EDIT 10/17/10: I wish I knew what I was referring too... Hmm.

Latro & Love Always The Enchanted Hat & The Butterfly Stomach.