Wednesday, 10 June 2009

The Attack On Mac Fat

Oh, Internet. What have you done?

Not only have you unleashed millions of people onto the world with all their talent, lack of talent and quirks, but you have launched successful companies and challenged others to almost breaking point.

You are reshaping the world as we know it, and for something so remarkable you belong almost entirely in cords and frustrating devices.

I own many of these devices, and I am only just working off the damage they have caused me... or, to be more precise, the damage I have caused myself by not engaging with them appropriately.

I quit ballet, to pursue theatre, and then discovered the Internet, and then discovered 19 year old narcissism and all it's passion and fury, and then discovered "bird neck" (peering into the screen as if I was trying to fall through), and the "Mac Fat Slouch" (where one deflates as hate-comments suck your self-respect out of your body) and other such things as "WTF Eye Syndrome" (where one forgets to turn on the lights as it gets dark because they are too busy peering incredulously at someone's or ones own obnoxious tweets/videos/blogs/photos/tumblr posts etc) and "Unhappy Heart Arm" (in which one experiences terrible pain that makes them feel that they are having a heart attack, when it is really just the Text Message inducing repetitive-stress injury...thing. Ahem.)

Before I Continue: I am not trying to offend anyone with my own goals and dislike of these devices, some people are gorgeous and use the Internet more than me. It is all up to the user, this just happens to be my personal problem. But maybe you share a similar issue? Let me know.

I am now trying to train myself to sit upright, to rescue the skin from "Bird Neck".

I try to rest my eyes or exercise them as much as possible, and try to spend plenty of time away from the computer.

And the Ears! I almost forgot the "iPod Ears", from listening to music too loud, constantly, to avoid truly facing the real world/people/life at that moment in time. I no longer listen to my iPod. A fairly easy habit to break out of. Since then I see more, I bite my lip more out of awkwardness, and I can greet the people who say, "How you doing, sexy?" It is refreshing and I feel less alone.

I have developed an odd habit of listening to my music alphabetically every morning in the bathroom. I started at 'J', I am now on to 'L' and I am happy.

And then there is Mac Fat, my main issue, from almost 3 years of deflation. I no longer spend every day in a studio "pulling up" and spend most of it sitting down, which I detest, but it is necessary for the time being. So, for the last four weeks I have been working out with a trainer.

I decided I needed a trainer when I went to the gym and started pedaling and realized that I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

So I got a trainer, and thought I was working out for an hour a week, and I thanked my trainer for always letting me off 15 minutes early, even though it was my money I was wasting (I am rather weak). However, the training sessions are actually supposed to last for half an hour and he's been working with me for 15 minutes extra. Half an hour. A week. That does almost exactly nothing for my Mac Fat.

So, on my way to Whole Foods with Brooke to get the required "brown rice and grilled chicken" (though I fried mine out of habit - argh) I realized that I had to create a new habit.

They say (They being Old Guys) that the minimum amount of time that you need to exercise for to stay healthy is 30 minutes... and my training session is for 30 minutes at 7:30pm.

So if I get into the habit of changing for training on my own every evening (when events like movies and dinners are not getting in the way, as they rightly should) and begin at 7:30pm every evening, I will start to see some improvement.

After a week or two of this, I will most likely be comfortable with going to the Yoga classes at the gym and also going to Dance classes somewhere appropriate for an ex-ballet student who hasn't worked at the 'barre' for 3 years with Mac Fat and then... and then... well, oh gee whiz golly, I'm sure I'll be healthier, leaner and happier with my appearance and therefore all I have to work on is the deflated self-confidence on the inside.

It is a long journey, but as I've said before, and I'll say again, I'm a Thursday's Child and I have far to go.

Love The Stereotypical Work Out Then Go To Whole Foods Girl and The Blind Love for Lean.