Saturday, 14 June 2008

Lost in a Hotel

I was in Canada the other day for a few million meetings. It was really stressful, but the "suits" I was traveling with were awesome fun and sliding around Toronto in a stretch Limo is never a bad thing. It was very interesting for me to step up and bring on the Sales Man version of Caitlin. Hopefully I did a good job. We'll see...



I stayed at the Sheraton, which is a lovely hotel chain and decided to dance around my room to Regina Spektor's "Hotel Song". I had the idea when it began to play on my way to the Newark, NJ Airport. I love it when the ipod randomly plays tunes that fit your life at that very moment so well.

I also owe credit to Brooke for teaching me how to use the Time Lapse feature on my Mac Book Pro. She's a smart cookie...or maybe just observant ;)

When I look at this video it reminds me a little of Mememolly's random mash-up videos to her favourite music, minus the whole whimsical, mystical quality that Molly gives it. Whereas mine turn into a very silly thing. I guess that's what I do best though...and have done my whole life. I emulate people. I emulate accents, style, laughs without even knowing it.

"Lesser men trying to emulate his greatness..."

I blame the Simpsons. I watched the Simpsons a lot while growing up and now find that I don't seem to have much of a personality (apart from being a snooty bitch), I just seem to reflect other peoples personalities. I fit myself around a person to match them the best. I'm not saying I blatantly copy anyone, I never do that, I just to make everyone feel comfortable.

I also blame fashion. I find that I can only dress in Characters. For instance, yesterday during the Toronto Meetings, I was dressed as Business Lady: I was wearing a sleek blue satin dress with high silver heels and now today,

limo lady

as if in rebellion to being so feminine all day yesterday, I am wearing jeans, a Star Wars shirt and have wet, messy hair, glasses, very little makeup and a whole bunch of wooden beads and a Darfur bracelet...put it all together and add my heavy laptop bag and I either look a young NYU student or an Environmental Lesbian...

nerdy girl day

Or just a loser.

Either way, I enjoy being able to play dress up every day. Sure, I have no personal style, but at least I can pretend to be a different person every day...because let's face it, if I had to live with myself every day... I'd either be extremely bored or really, really angry.

What kind of person are you? Do you have a personality? Do you find it easy to describe yourself? Do you fit into a stereotype on purpose, just to make it easier for yourself? Let me know... I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling hollow, and liking it.

xoxo
Caitlin

Don't talk about me either. I love and appreciate all your support. But this is about you. I don't need to be told nice things, I still love myself very much : )

cab legs

I call this Cab Legs.

48 comments:

Digger Jones said...

You look pretty good, even with the loser/lesbian look.

My personality is probably just typical of most of your subscribers:
Geeky, lecherous, middle-aged, cranky, conservative guy!

I used to not have a personality as I was one of those chameleon types who could adjust to make others feel more comfortable. But that gets exhausting after a few decades. I was a nerd before nerds were cool and it has taken a long time to embrace it.

I'm probably the only one who doesn't know: Exactly what is it that you're selling to these suits around the U.S. and Canada?

DJ

TripTucker said...

I would say that I am similar to how you describe yourself. I can act very differently around different people, trying to blend in. As you said, its not about copying, but more like trying to relate, feel at ease, and make everyone else feel at ease. I was this way in high school, I never particularly fit in with just one group, but had friends in many different groups. You could say that we are like a chimera, changing form to fit the situation, but I dont wanna get that philosophical. You said you didnt want us to talk about you, but I do have to say that you are a very interesting and unique person. Dont dismiss what you call silly as a bad thing. Everyone could use the ability to step back, and not take themselves and the world so deathly serious all the time. Your videos and blog posts are so often a gift, breaking the routine of my day and bringing me a smile. For that, I thank you.

courtnay said...

wait a minute woman, there's a time lapse feature? ugh. i wish i knew how to use these things. and, honestly, i started watching your videos because you reminded me of myself .. so does that mean that i also lack a personality? i know you said not to talk about you but .. if you don't have a personality then who was i actually talking to for 2 years? it's all objective, to me, you're freakin awesome. always.

mapleleafsforever said...

Interesting hotel room video, those bursts of energy mixed with creativity never get old (no matter how silly and random)

Being a guy in Canada/North America the way you project yourself crucial to relationships as you are heavily based on looks and materialism; but i can't change that. Knowing theres no stereotype to define myself i relate allot to you by also fitting myself around people so i can relate to their life and experiences. This is not unlike the whole nation of Canada where we claim to be unique yet make no reservations about resembling the nation to the south. It seems that individualism is ideally encouraged yet discouraged in practice. Despite this, the videos such as the one you just posted proves you have the confidence to show the world who you are. Keep it up.

may said...

you are young, you have the license to do whatever you want. as long as you do not hurt others, do whatever it is that makes your eyes sparkle with joy.

Olli said...

Hmm... I would say I have my "own" personality. I'm calm, heartless, kind of inteligent(but I don't act wise)and of course I like to laugh(well doesn't everyone?)I usually have same look, t-shirt+ some sort of pants(if recommended).

Dee said...

Yeah, I'm just the opposite of you lol. I am who I am and I make no apologies for it, and if I'm around people that don't like it they'll just have to be uncomfortable.

So people are usually uncomfortable around me :P

I'm just the type of person that says what I'm thinking and always gives the 100% honest opinion, and I don't really ever go overboard and into a 'bitch' but yeah I've been know to do it when I have to.

As for personal style, I usually wear band shirts and cargo pants lol. Plus I'm getting my nose/lip pierced, maybe both, and I have 3 tattoos already designed :P I just need the money to buy them....

Love ya Caitlin! <3

Anna said...

It all depends on what mood I'm in, and I love to play "dress up" too. I fit myself around others in the same way you do.
Sometimes its hard to, because I think that the "last reserve" of someone's confidence is their identity. My mom and dad are from different countries and I don't know if I'm more american or german, or which country I like better, or which country my personality is similar to; I'm always going to be split between two cultures.
Same with my friends, I have some who are "geeky" and some who are "popular" and I'll always be split between them too.
And its hard, too, cause I'm a teenager, and I'm trying to find out who I am and what I'm supposed to do to make this world a better place.

Tom said...

I think that we all copy people we around us with everything we do (whether we're aware of it or not). Where we can be original, and where you especially are original (sorry I talked about you, couldn't help it), is in the combination of things we steal from different people and places. You took a video idea from Molly, a song from Regina, a tip from Brooke, and a pose from Superman and combined them all to make a schweeet video that was totally Caitlin. Now people will probably be inspired by you to new heights of creativity. Because ever since that initial creative burst from who knows where, creativity has always been about re-synthesis. I'll shut-up now.
-Tom

YurzTruly said...

What is this time lapse feature you speak of? Please elaborate, as you've now created several inquiring minds...

P.S. You're talking about a time-lapse feature on MacBook Pro's standard video editing software, right?

Please, do let us know!

*

Koos said...

I recognize the ability to adapt yourself to the situation (my ex girlfriend once even said she was jealous of it since she's not very good at it). And I mean really adapting your character. It can get to the point where you forget what you'd be like without adapting to anything. And for me it sometimes makes me feel that nothing in the world is real, since I get what I want by faking. And I start noticing how many other people seem to "fake" or put on characters that they really aren't.

Maybe that's just how the world works, but if so, I'll always find that weird.

--N-- said...

It's simple, I have different personalities with different people.

JohnnyBeGood said...

I have a personality I guess. I don't really fit into a stereotype, people probably have a hard time reading me. I am working in Montana all summer and I am from the midwest so everyone here is dressed like cowboys (because they are). So I was thinking I should buy a cowboy hat and wear my midwest style clothes. Would that work?

I find it hard to wear different clothes....I do not know why, oh wait yeah I do. I never shop because I have no idea what to buy.

Hey, I do change how I act, but not my personality when I am around someone.
(if they aren't the same?)

:)

bruce said...

"Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth." ~Oscar Wilde

MntlWard said...

I used to have more personality than I do now. I'd describe myself as a nerd, but not the nerdiest nerd ever.

I don't follow any clothing trends. I wear a shirt that has something on it that I like or I think is funny.

This is probably the most boring comment you've ever gotten. ;-)

jmarbas said...

oh you were in Toronto recently! I hope you had a good time. Maybe next time I will accidentally bump into you....and try to cop a little feel ;D

Yeah actually... recently Im finding myself stoic, neutral and utterly devoid of any kind of sense of direction when it comes to the net and things I post. If I cant be honest, then whats the fucken point right?!

DJ: What's she selling? She's selling her body. Caitlin has now become an internationally known high class hooker.

Seriously, Caitlin...just to hide the pain caused by reality i try to escape by trying to inject humour into it(above). Its only a temporary measure though :/ meh

Best of luck in your new life.

Ron said...

I'd say i'm the type who stands out in the middle of a crowd. Not really for the right reason though...at least in my own opinion. I'm not sure why but some people find me to be intimidating even though i'm not an aggressive person at all. I just don't adjust to people to fit into their crowd and never have had that part of me. And i can be pretty blunt with my opinions; good or bad. Plus i'm usually the one who gets caught up into all-nighter discussions and/or (especially) advice giving when with people. I have the types of people i clash with but, for the most part, i get along with most people.

If i fit a stereotype i'm still waiting for it to be invented. :)

GeminiDragon said...

I don't really have much of a personality when in company. I'm kind of a self loathing loner:(

By myself though I'd describe myself as a clumsy dork with a really geeky fashion sense. My closet is filled mostly with slogan shirt and Hawaiian shirts...

Brian said...

I just like to have fun and make other people smile. I'm like you in the sense that I like to make everyone around me comfortable, but I wouldn't say that my personality changes.

My sense of style (although mostly inexistent) is basically t-shirt, cargo pants, and sandals (even while I'm on business here in Alaska). Happily, I've found a job that let's me wear sandals every day. :)

Anna Rose said...

Nah, I don't really fit into any particular stereotype, I think that's my right. One day I look like some punk rock try hard, the next I look like a librarian... I don't think the way I dress denotes my entire personality... just the way I'm feeling that particular day... so dressing either way isn't really being 'untrue' to the other parts of my personality... meh...

See right now, I'm dressed like a hipster fighter pilot... heh... wonder what that says about me. INTERNET WARRIOR.

/end

the-angry-pixie said...

i do exactly the same thing. i love to dress up. always have. i love to become characters that are appropriate for each situation that is presented to me.

if i was asked to describe my own style, i would have to plead muteness. the only thing i could say is "comfortable". i like to be comfortable in my skin for the day. i can be preppy, funky, hippy, emo, nerdy, couldnt-give-a-shit-about-appearancey and silly.

and im happy. its good to feel so comfortable that we feel we dont have to fit a mould. and its exciting to rock a different flavour everyday. go us!

snuffie4short57 said...

wow!! what you said is actually alot like how i feel. its probably useless posting this just to say "omg we're so much alike be my best friend!" but it was actually a relief reading what i've been thinking for some time now. maybe i'll be copying off you by saying this but what u wrote i guess will help me feel better about myself and what i perceived as a bad habit..

ttfn!

nowhere4321 said...

I'm still banned from posting on your videos :(
I will continue my campaign to get you to unban me!!!
-culwin

Dizzknee said...

It seems that a lot of people are like that with regards to personality adjustment. I've always prided myself in being able to tweak my personality depending on whom I may be hanging out with. I think it's a very useful trait and something you should embrace rather than be annoyed about. I think it's mainly in the jokes : ) Even though probably half my jokes come from either The Simpsons, Seinfeld, or Gervais and Co., they do change slightly depending on whose around. As long as you get the laugh, that's what counts.

Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed Toronto. It's always nice when people talk highly about my town. I guess it's a pride thing. It's definitely a fun city to explore. Next time, swing that limo by Deluxe Postproduction on Adelaide and I'll give you tour.

Cheers!

amy said...

like others have said, you did a great job when describing yourself in describing me as well! (ie: snooty bitch with no personality and reflecting others personalities back to them, haha, i love it). i've never really described that as me before...i guess i couldn’t figure out something as funny. but seriously, everday, i annoyingly talk my coworkers ears off about how i am really good at reading other peoples personalities and adapting to them (all while not copying them of course!) to make them at ease. then i go and say something bitchy about someone walking by in the grocery store (i work in a bank that’s in a Safeway) so, long, random, babbling made short, well said!

love your blog!

Anton said...

You look like you're having fun, I'm very happy for you!

superelle07 said...

I'm kind of exactly like you, but sometimes, i'm like, REALLY REALLY FUN AND KOOKY when I first meet someone, to like.. get them in the fun mood if I can see they feel awkward.

I dont like people to feel awkward around me because they're unsure of what to say or whatever, cos thats ny worst nightmare situation for me to be in, so like if people are happy, i'll act happy with them (cuz its fuuun) if they're sad, i'll try to be quiet but comfort them, if people feel like having a deep conversation, oh I can be DEEP.


also: am very jealous of the places you get to go to. NYC? Canada? biiitch!

ncw18 said...

I find I do that. I alter my personality to fit those around me, not to copy them but like you said to put them more at ease.
I'll act slightly differently at Uni then I would do if I was at home. And act differently still with my boyfriend.
I should just try and be myself whenever.

Bonnie said...

I have no personal style as well. I can look really cute and girly, but sometimes I look downright hobo. It just depends on my mood that day. Not so much my personality, my clothes have nothing to do with that.

As for my personality...Ive been described as cold hearted, dry, but then other times, kind and silly. Generally, Im very random, playful, and extremely moody. It takes a special kiind of person to understand me. Which is why Im limited on friends. I do not adjust myself for the pleasure or comfort of others. I am who I am.

Nice video. :)

JustSnook said...

I honestly dont think it is possible for anyone to externalize their full personality at one particular time. I have so many "seemingly" contradictory aspects to my personality now that I think about it... I am nerdy, funny, dorky (which is not the same thing as nerdy), smooth, serious and goofy. I am pretty sure I know who I am but sometimes I have a hard time conveying that to my friends or even my family, I guess I get caught up in trying to please people so I show them a part of my personality that i know that they enjoy which is usually my goofy side even though sometimes I get tired of playing that part.

ANYWAYS thank for posting it was a thought provoker.

~Lauren (19)

Cinny said...

I'm the same exact way as you. I have different kinds of friends and I only show them the part of me I think they identify with most. It's not that I'm lying or being fake, I'm just trying to keep things balanced really. Everyone is different and every person needs to accommodate for eachother. I accommodate for everyone so no one else as to lol if that makes sense.

Style, eh I where whatever fits really. Hard to have style when you're so damn poor xP

james said...

Engaging in a little community interaction, are we? Well, what is a personality anyway? Is it the intersection of how we see ourselves and how others perceive us, or is it the difference? Can it be found in the totality, or does it, like so much else, lie in the space between. Perhaps it is in that place where archetype meets stereotype.

Persona is derivative from the word for mask and can be considered synonymous with the character. It is external representation of a particular character. In some ways it is quite a dichotomy. The mask is the means by which a character is identified, yet as a mask, it hides the true identity of the actor. Our personalities may operate in much the same way. They are the means by which we transmit our moods and emotional state into a social context, but there is always something under the surface that remains unseen. The question is, “how does this all play out?” We all start pretty much the same as one another inside; we try to be different in a social context; we end up pretty much the same as one another in the social context and yet different from what we started as internally. We start a little bit different from each other inside; we try to stand out and be very different; we end up just a little bit different. We start out different from each other; we try to be the same; we end up different from each other and yet commonality is unavoidable. If we all have different processes, it could be a very complicated series of interactions. Unfortunately, I am not telepathic and cannot tell who someone is deep down inside. All I can see is the persona. Clearly, we can group people into certain personality types. Do those personality types emphasize our differences or our commonality or both?

It is obvious that due to practical reasons and the limits of communication, a person cannot truly know exactly how someone else feels. Thus we all put on these masks and act out one big play trying to find the perfect role.

I am one who is emotionally independent and reserved. Most of the time, I am very difficult to read. I find that I am more drawn to understanding other people emotionally than on finding the ideal way to express myself. When I do express myself, it is always as a reaction to someone else’s persona. I do not attempt to reflect others, but I try and find ways to express my personality in a way that brings out the best in others. I may be dull, but it is only because I want those around me to be sharp. I don’t feel a need to have others understand me, but I do want desperately to understand others.

-James

Lex said...

nothing smart in this comment :P just to say hey to you caitlin and thanks, im in love with this song now. its very catchy indeed. take care :)

Lex

Thomas said...

Sometimes, I just visit my subscriptions like I visit old friends.

I've been watching your videos since the one you've made on Lazydork. And from then I must admit that you always seemed the same, not as you describe yourself here (even if it’s clear that you like to act).

I think that I have a personality and that it’s quite hard to describe it, to isolate it from the rest of what I think I am. I did not arrive to do it here. After thinking about it I guess it’s because I'm still working on it...

Your acts are an important part of you, they are what you want to show the world. I sometimes used also characters but surely not stereotypes, as I feel more like others copy me ! I don’t feel hollow, I feel deep most of the time and it’s not so easy to like...

I hope that my english was comprehensible, and that point too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9D0aTSkslWY

Hema said...

"I fit myself around a person to match them the best. I'm not saying I blatantly copy anyone, I never do that, I just to make everyone feel comfortable."

OMG THATS SOUNDS JUST LIKE ME. i wish i had a strong identity and style i feel myself kinda changing according to who im with.

AnImoL said...

lalalaram... dear dear friend... :\

Kauz said...

Well, for me it's just normal to change my "outer appearence", almost every day and when I was a bit younger, I really tried to look absolutely different every day, just to shock my enviroment XD.
When I'm arround different ppl I act differently, I try to be assimilated as much as possible, but in my very core, I will always stay the one true me, that I only reveal to my dearest people.
That is the big freedom of an realationship, beeing that "me-me" and not a "business-me", "friend-me", "customer-me"...
People that cannot change that way, simply have a great lack of diplomacy ^^.
I wouldn't blame the simpsons, I would blame your talent as an actress. Actors, like us *a-he-he*, just like to play around with different characters, everyday, evertime.
Whether this is a burden or a gift, well that's your choice, I think it's the greatest gift of all.

Greetz from Germany

Kauz (Guido)

cliffy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
cliffy said...

I guess I love impersonating someone else when I'm bored, which can be quite often, or wonder how someone else would deal with a situation I don't like.It's then I have the licence to behave as I never dared!(It's amazing how impersonating Inspector Clouseau can get you through the day !)
Humour is a great medicine for me, I don't think I could live without it.
I'm envious of people who, I think, are more clever than me.
I love to encourage others, especially those who have been beaten down by others or by life.
I guess I'm between Melancholic and Phlegmatic :-) See
wikipedia for meanings!

Cliff, UK.

pepperincess said...

I can't say that I'm much different from you. Though in the last few years I've slowly grown into a more singular look. I still dress in different "personalities" from day to day. Today I'm my obsessed self. My Harry Potter Slytherin t-shirt, skull jacket, and tight jeans. Where as yesterday I was relaxed me in an oversized t-shirt from Germany and loose pants. It's all a matter of what I feel like when I get up.
And I too have to ask what you were doing in Canada and the US.

Jinglebuns said...

TOTALLY!
Like when I'm with my parents I'm the well-behaved, courteous shy guy.
When I'm on a date, I'm an ultra-confident playboy.
When I'm on a job interview I'm a winsome young Scottish schoolgirl named Angie McTingles.
And when I'm at the supermarket I'm a strong yet sensitive sumo wrestler named Kanji.

Now a question about personalities...
In his response, Is "James" just playing the Spock character or is he actually Spock? Because when you read it, it's quite uncanny.

Journey said...

yeah see i'm sort of hippy-like. whatever that means! that's what people say though. i have really long hair but i like it that way so that i can cover my face when i want. and i hate things that constrict me like underwear! its just annoying so i usually wear dresses b/c they are comfy and have a draft and no one has to know i'm not wearing undies. this i guess adds on the the above label. and lastly and what i don't like the most is when people say i'm pretty as if thats a compliment b/c thats what i am going for...no...no! dresses are just more comfortable is all.

Pompoen said...

I don't know myself really. I try to be impulsive and suprise myself with it. I am not searching for who I am because I think that would be stupid anyway. There is only two outcomes then: Boringness or your search will never end.

So happy travelings x

Ria! said...

I'd say that yeah, I do dress/act in a stereotype to make it easier on myself. The fact is, people are running around all authoritative-like only because they know how to be. There's always something in the inbox, some relationship that needs helping.

What if no one tells them what to do/how to act/what to wear?

They're confused. As such, they pick up things from other people. People, they assume, that are well-adjusted and self-confident. The way I see it, it's kind of like a self esteem Mobius Strip.

...

Or I'm just a poser that likes to make excuses. :]

Tze-chiu said...

I'm gonna be in Toronto too 1st week of August. No limo for me though, but I get to stay at my sister's big house. :D
Yeah, hotels tend to get my alter-egos hyperactive too. I'd start talking to myself a lot in the room! :D What else can you do when you're away from home in a town full of strangers??
I too find the digital life preferable to the real version. It's partly because of boredom, but not with myself. Most people just bore me to death.
The bigger reason I like 'net over real world is my own "sociophobia." Yeah, I invented an illness for myself! :D I got this way from child abuse growing up, and it sucks!! [I hold no hard feelings toward my mother though. We did reconcile before she passed away in the '70s.]
I get anxiety attacks at the mere thought of socializing, even when the phone rings. I have to psych myself up just to get out the door in the morning!! It could be my birthday and I'd be dreading my own party crowd! And it'd have to be a party someone else would've planned for me, 'cuz it'd be a cold day in hell when you catch me even thinking about throwing a party in the 1st place!!! :D
So, the 'Net is really the only way I feel safe reaching out of my cacoon.
I thought I could re-launch my music career just over the net, but people still expect artists to get noticed by touring their asses off. Well, that's a problem for me. And I'm a composer/arranger anyway, for cryin' out loud! :P
Well, I just gotta do what I can with what I got -- write music, record it, sell it over the net. I just might stay the best-kept secret in music for all I know. I just hope the music doesn't!!
Enough about myself. If you wanna know more you can Friend me on MySpace [TzeMan].
Keep on doing your thing, girl! I can understand how you'd get bored with real life, but I just can't see how you could get bored with yourself!!!! If you were boring, would I be typing this long comment?????

samson said...

I have a personality. but less often it come out fully. it hard to express yourself 100% most of the time we have to hide or be conservative to protect ourselves from shame. that i feel. if we could all let go (like you do in some of your videos) we'll be all good. victor

-pete. said...

How good is Regina Spektor ?
:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGTDRztaCCw

staghounds said...

I hate it that Youtube pulled your video, it was fun and charming.

Grr.

Any way to link to it? I want to have a friend who's a bit down take a look.

Thank you!

Totals