Wednesday, 12 March 2008

The Defensive Men Of The Naughties

"Some of my favourite Naughtie men!"

Sex and the City: The Movie may just be coming out, but the whole idea of women struggling to find love seems seriously dated to me.

Reflect on this: four wonderful, though quite neurotic, women are all living in a city filled with millions of male specimens…and yet, each woman (for a long time) finds it very hard to find a man or they found too many and still couldn’t find what they were looking for…

What I want to know is:

How did they have such luck?

I’ve been single since sometime last year…

Was it October?

Maybe I blacked out the break up?

Either way, I’ve been single for a long time. Now, the question is, has my Heart been single for a long time?

Oh no, Sir, not at all.

I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve fallen in love over the last few months.

I use the term love, because even if the feeling only lasts a moment, it’s still love beating inside your chest, driving you crazy and causing you to feel inadequate.

The problem for me, that didn’t seem to happen to those SATC girls, is the whole, “Landing the Guy” part; I just can’t seem to achieve it. They are always gay or straight and taken, straight and engaged, straight or married…or, worst and most disheartening of all, straight and not interested.

Oh, what’s a girl to do?

In my little town, when I liked a guy, I knew that something would end up happening between him and me because:

1. There wasn’t that many guys to like, so if I liked a guy it usually meant that we were a decent match…
2. I was wasn't confronted by models every day in the Little Town. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I was the best looking, but let’s just say, that compared to The City and the women that reside there, I could at least walk tall and feel okay about myself most of the time.
3. We were in the same circle/group…whatever. We hung out a lot, got to know each other over a long period of time that seemed to go by so fast, and so, intimate relationships grew faster.

This is how it works for the Women in SATC:

1. Spot Guy
2. Talk to Guy
3. Bed Guy
4. Discover problem with Guy
5. Dump Guy

This is how it works for me:

1. Spot Guy
2. Stare at Guy/Avoid meeting Guy's eye's because he is so intimidating
3. Walk past Guy
4. Go home

Or, even better:

1. Be introduced to Guy
2. Have conversation with Guy

And then either,

3. Realize I’m boring Guy
4. (PANIC!!!)
5. Insult Guy in some desperate attempt to be funny
6. Stop speaking to Guy


3. Guy quickly works into the conversation how he has a girlfriend, fiancée, wife or is a gay guy
4. I try to skip around this, not wanting to make it an issue as if I had been interested in him in the first place (which I had been BUT ALSO A LOT OF THE TIME HAVEN'T BEEN), but try to act casual so Guy knows I’m not trying to pounce on said Guy.
5. Guy acts like I want his meat badly anyway.

Oh, bugger! Is this only happening to me?

Is it the lack of contact with other human beings that is causing me to become socially awkward to the point of retardation with these wonderful, wonderful men?

Do I seem needy or do I already come off as a Cougar at the tender age of 19?

Is the problem that I always seem to be “digging” on Guys who are in their late twenties, and they see me as this little schoolgirl?

Or is it simply that I can’t really hold my own against these amazingly interesting City Women in their late twenties who are not only smart/funny/intelligent/just plain old interesting, but beautiful and fashionable too?

I just can’t keep up.

I wish I could hang out with people my own age, but I can’t go to college right now, due to my work and I haven’t yet found a theatre group I can attend…or a dance class…or a Swingers club…

The problem IS I… I’m not going to go all Carrie on you and start trying to figure out what men want – it’s relatively simple (SEE ALL OF THE ABOVE). I just need to relax, find the Caitlin Hill that I’m comfortable with and just take care of my outward appearance. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a 40 year old woman…FEEL a 40 year old woman, which makes sense because my first real boyfriend said I was acting like a 30 year old women when I was about 16… What can I say? I’m like to go fast.

Is this my mid-life crisis?

Or is it simply that, my “Love” has been chosen for me already? I think I know- well, I wont go there.

I just wish that Love or Fate or any of that crap could make it easier on a person.

If you’re only meant to end up (eventually) with one great person, then why can one little woman have so many feelings of respect, admiration and yes, a little love for so many great guys?

What kind of guys do I fall for, you ask?

I don’t have particular tastes, but I must say that I am instantly attracted to some guys with beards. So, someone tell me why there are sooo many gay guys with beards???

I think Steven Spielberg, Daniel Day-Lewis, George Lucas are to blame…and my love for men who are a little older than me can be blamed on any prominent actor who did well during the 90s. Especially, Harrison Ford and Robin Williams, who I wanted to marry when I was 7. I like hair.

I am a little bit of a talent whore, I’m attracted to talent, so…I’ve had my fair share of crushes on leading men in local plays.

That’s the other problem. Men who make me laugh. Unfortunately, I find it very hard to be just friends with the funny guy, because during my lifetime laughter has come to also come to be sex.

Yes, that’s right, ladies and gentlemen. If you make me laugh, I’m all yours… it’s such a deeply rooted reaction inside of me now, that, you know, “those organs” respond in the same way during laughter, as they would during a Porno. EDIT: OMG. WHY IS THIS BLOG PUBLIC? HOW EMBARRASSING. UPDATE: I AM MORE IN CONTROL OF THIS NOW. AHEM.

Not all the time however, but definitely if you are a talented man who just happens to be telling a joke while stroking his beard. EDIT: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S MEANT TO BE A JOKE.

Well, that’s kinda fucked up isn’t it? Thanks Robin!

Caitlin Hill


RoboFillet said...

Oh wow I only just found your blog! Good job Caitlin - you're an A+ blogger!

As for relationships... I can't really give you any advice. My dating history isn't the best... okay okay it's totally barren. But we soldier on.

Chris in the Studio said...

A very personnel perspective,

I love thinking of you as a friend. If I was younger, you would be the exact type of girl that I would pine for. I grew up in a small town and experienced social culture shock when I moved to the big town. It took me years to adjust to the customs of the freaks. The benefit of that was that I focused on my career. Don't get me wrong, I missed out on a lot also but I don't regret it. You will meet and have fun with people but knowing a little about you and your goals I would say don't rush yourself Caitlin, theres nothing wrong with being single. Your at a time in your life where you and your career have to absolutely 100percent fully encompass the entire sanctity of your being. Its competitive and you have to focus and do everything that comes your way to get yourself out there and in peoples faces.
You have friends and people who care about you to pass lonely moments with.
You are not an insecure person, its just a natural phase. I can say this because I have know you for 10,000 Your just beginning to see yourself in the mirror. Its not a 40 year old, its an old soul
and thats why you get along with like minded old souls. Everything your feeling is normal. So just take a deep breath, go day by day
and enjoy your singleness.
Oh and call me in 10 or 15 years ha ha or not. feel free to delete this if its to personel

SuperJV said...

hey young lady. I have to say this is one of your best posts. well written and very entertaining.

it's very funny and brave at the same time.

i know. for creative types, it's easy to fall in love. you're much more aware of your feelings, right there on the surface.

remember that everything is a trade off, being single also means you're... free.

TripTucker said...

First off, I love how much you are blogging lately. Silly as it sounds, this feels like a meaningful conversation, rather than a widely viewed video, followed up with silly little comments.
You most certainly are not alone, much of what you described can also be applied to me and how I meet girls. When I am interested, they are most often taken, or sometimes the more painful "not interested". I have come to think that age is more of a factor that we like to think. You said you tend to go for the older guys. Not to sound like a pedo, but I have a history of going for younger girls. Not illegal, just a couple years or so. The difference, in the end, is maturity. The last one was just turning 21, drinking age here, and wanted to be out every nite. Dragging along a boyfriend tends to cramp your style at that point in life. Trouble followed.
I hate to drag out the boring, often annoying, and much over-used advice, but dont worry about it too much. Good things come to those who wait. You will find much more success and happiness, a lot sooner than it feels like right now. I dont pretend to know you all that well, but I think the advice I have given to good friends before may fit here as well. Dont dismiss the guys you arent instantly attracted to. If you have had trouble of the same sort repeatedly before, try breaking the habit and getting out of that routine. Try finding a guy thats very different from what you generally have found yourself attracted to before. Easier said than done, right?
Lastly, I cant pass this part up. I know you had not intended to go fishing for compliments, but I cant resist. Caitlin, you are in fact quite beautiful. Not only in physical terms, but the personality I have seen over the past year or so that I have been aware of your online presence. As I said, I dont pretend to know you, but from all that I have seen so far, you have a heart of gold, an amazing sense of humor, great compassion and intelligence, and of course, you are a nerd. Embrace it! Eventually you will find the guy that you dont have to try so hard with, it will just happen all on its own. You wont notice it until its already happening, so why worry about it until then? Just enjoy the ride until that day comes.
...wonder if that made any sense

Simon said...

A great post since it is universal.

I can only say in a comment that statistics mean nothing, you just need one guy. The who, when and where is the frustrating part. Life is not like the movies...

Amy Beloved said...

Two sides to every coin, Caitlin.

I've been with my boyfriend since I was 19 (I'll be 22 in May) and while I love him to bits, part of me sometimes wishes that I had been single for the past three years so I could have had single fun.

I think relationships can be a very "grass is always greener" type thing... And honestly, as cliched as it is, when it's meant to happen it will happen. Enjoy your 'freedom' while it lasts!!

You're a beautiful, funny girl who's not afraid to be herself - soon enough some guy is going to think that's the most awesome thing since apple pie and viola!

(In essence, I agree completely with Triptucker).

Joshua Seraphim said...

G'day mate! Hello from Kansas (IRL). Just found your blog. Can't help but read it with an imaginary Aussie accent in my head, which somehow makes it funnier. Trying not to laugh so I won't stimulate "those organs". Anyway that's my comment and I'm sticking to it.

The Author said...

Hillard, come on! Sex and the City is lame, it shows "successful" women being groomed and living for pleasing men.

Everyone knows that the only way to have a decent relationship is by focusing on yourself first and being open to new things as they come alone. Everyone knows it but choose to ignore this fact because they are taught to wait for fairy tale stories.

You'll never find a good guy if you go out on the hunt for a good guy. Until you're confortable with yourself, and free from what other people think of you, all relationships will have some sort of problem. Of course, even if you achieve a center in your life and set yourself free from other people's opinions, you still risk bumping into retards disguised as love. But at least you'll be balanced enough to deal with those guys and move on to better things.

Using neurotic ficticious characters as models is very unhealthy, by the way. And speaking as a semi-stalkerish type of fan, I can say that your most brilliant and most inspiring moments come when you're confortable enough to be spontaneous. That super real Caitlin - which is the real you - doesn't need fashion to attract people. I think this statement is backed by about 57 thousand people around the world...

GeminiDragon said...

First off I would totally grow a beard, take a comedy class, and take up juggling or horse whispering for you!

Secondly, and most importantly, you really aren't alone. I'm in pretty much the same boat, but with women. It's really hard for me to find someone who can see past my "eccentricities", and when I finally do, I usually end up sabotaging the relationship.

Basically, what I've decided to do is give up dating and concentrate on my career, and who knows? Maybe I'll stumble into a great thing.

Anyway, off to grow a beard! ;)

adro44 said...

Oh Caitlin, explain to me how a 26 year old male (without a beard, sorry) can relate so well to a 19 year old female (also without a beard - so don't be judgin' me!). Trust me, I know what you're feeling. I also was in a relationship that ended last October and have felt the ups and downs of that.

But here's what I know, you are older than your age for sure, which is not a bad thing and probably explains your attraction to older guys. You're incredibly smart and even more brave. Sure it's easy to feel somewhat insecure at times but you trudge past that and still share yourself with the world. That's not easy.

You've taught me a lot about myself over the past 6 months or so as I watched many of your videos . . . you've been teaching people like me that it's ok to unleash my "fun" side with the world. I've been told by a few of my friends that I'm the funniest person they know, and yet I don't see myself that way. Perhaps that's where I can relate to you. I know you're funny, I know you're smart and definitely witty and yet you seem to question that as you move forward. I guess you remind me of me in that way. But what sucks is we can be smart enough to know that intellectually and still not feel it. That's where being a human feels like a ride to school in the short bus.

So the moral of this great novel is, even though you may question the outcome of your future . . . I'm sure those close to you (and the millions of YouTubers who follow you online) know your future success, be it in a relationship or in a career, is definitely not in question.

I have faith in you 100%, and that's not just from "that guy" on the internet, that's a promise. Besides, even if I were just "that guy" who are you to judge? You're just "that girl"! Take care. :-)

courtnay said...

haha trust me caitlin, you're so not alone. and i know we've had this conversation 9837928 times, but you would be a goldmine if you came to ohio, although there aren't too many lookers out here. hopefully i can visit you sometime soon & we can go man hunting together!

adro44 said...

Caitlin doesn't have to go to Ohio to be a goldmine. Sometime in the future, Caitlin will hook up with someone, and as soon as people get the sense that she is forever snatched-up, she will hear story after story about how this guy was interested in her and that guy over there and that guy around here, etc. I'm sure in reality, there are many that are interested in getting to know Caitlin, and I mean a legitimate, genuine interest. Not just the guys that leave crude comments after she makes a video. They just don't know how to go about it. They could leave comments, but so do 100,000 other people. So really, they are likely left feeling hopeless to stand out. Then I'm sure there are others closer to her that also don't know how to bring it up because they don't want to make things weird or come across as that creepy guy.

I'm telling you all, for the guy that has only good intentions and a genuine interest in learning more about a girl, the path isn't always so clear.

But with that said, I'm sure this latest blog entry may open some doors for some close and far from Caitlin to "take a risk."

Either that or I'm full of shit. :-)

JohnnyBeGood said...

It seems it is harder to find somone today than 20 years ago. It doesn't make sense because with the help of new technology like the internet, it shouldn't take as long if you really look. But then again maybe technology is helping...maybe everyone is already taken...ahhh!! My parents met through the news paper. They put a singles add or something in it and they saw eachother and went on a date. They've been happily married for over 20 years now.

It's funny how some things work out.

I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
(great U2 song btw)

You'll find your answer soon enough.

Olli said...

About that funny guy thing... "The shortest distance between two people is a smile".

moi-même said...

I have only just found your new blog. I'm several years younger than you, but I'm in the exactly same boat when it comes to guys (except that I don't much like beards...). If you can't find someone, I don't know what that'll say about the rest of us.

sdafergu said...

Hey Caitlin--

I feel like I've gone through the exact same experience as you. Only I am not a man, like so many of the commenters on this page seem to be. I am only 22, so I admittedly don't have that much experience in the dating department, but I have a few points:

1.) Sex and the City is utter bullcrap and I only started having decent relationships with guys after I dismissed everything on that show as fantasy.

2.) You will stop falling in love with different guys so much after you grow older and everyone reminds you of someone you've met already.

3.) And here's the controversial one: the best relationships (the one where you are the happiest) are the ones where the other person loves you more than you love them. It may be settling, I don't know. All I know is, I'd rather have someone who worships me, who thinks I'm the best thing in the world, than to be always wanting someone who I am supposedly in a relationship with.

Wow, I sound bitter.

But why should we always be searching for the "perfect" relationship? For someone who gives us butterflies up and down their spine every time we're with them? I'm not even sure that kind of love can exist outside of the genre of "unrequited". In the meantime, I'd rather be in a relationship that gives me happiness and contentment and focus on other things, like my creative pursuits.

waZdak said...

The issues you describe crosses the gender gap, I can relate to many a points you raise.

Although the male version doesn't revolve around the brunch table.
And its not that I'm attracted to woman with beards, however the local talent ins't bad.

Its an urge, its spiritual and sexual, its adolescence. To seek out the opposite sex, but where to look?
How to approach them? I to fear social retardation to, people fear being outcasts.
Humans are social creatures we naturally seek out like mined and attractive people.

Questioning you attributes isn't going to help you, and from a masculine point of view, nor do you need to. You are beautiful and of substance.

Any ways I was laughing while reading cos I did have a beard, but I shaved it cos I got teased. Cant really get away with having a beard while working at the airport.
I'm only left with the ability to scratch my 1o'clock shadow.

Back to the male perspective, keep trying go out have fun. And if you feel like the cougars back, try the male approach, fly solo;)

ledniz said...

Hey Caitlin, I really enjoy your blog, thought I'd say thanks. As to finding the right guy, or any guy... Don't worry, they are out there and you guys will find each other - you just might not realize it when it happens.

My wife thought I was an "obnoxious Asshole" (I believe that was how she put it) when she first met me. And, even though she may still occasionally remind me that I am an A-Hole or obnoxious, we are still tolerating each other after 27? years.

Of course, maybe it is my beard that has made her stick around...

Happy Trails.

nicholas9999 said...

don't know what it is about this particular place to write a blog, but the blogs I'm reading are just way way good, and very down to earth. good on ya'!!

Alan said...

Does a goatee count?
My humor is rather dry, subtle and twisted. For those who can't handle a good bon mot, there's always Trix.

AUnplugged81 said...

Hi Caitlin,
You've inspired me to create a video in response to this great blog entry. I know you must get about 10,000 people a day asking you to watch their videos, so if you can't get to it, I completely understand.

It's on YouTube,
Username: AUnplugged81
Title: Operation Smile for TheHill88

Have a great day!

Huhuhulk said...

huhuhahaha, thank you Caitlin, now I know how to notice if you are interested in me or not, and how to approach to you if we ever meet in real life.

You just gave me your instruction manual hehe =)

Tobolukulus said...

hahaha, the last part made LOL alot irl :P

keep up the funny work

Jonathan Kelly said...

Just found your blog and I like it! Keep up the good work.

As for your experience with encounters of the male kind I can tell you it's the exact same when you switch the sexes.

You have to peak the interest of the one you seek straight away.

That's why my best work is done when I'm singing or acting. It seems girls who have fallen for me seem to be talent whores also as I've got with a few of my fellow cast mates when starring in plays and musicals.

As I occasionally grow a beard (before getting tired of the itching after a month and shaving it off) and my type seems to be blonde, Australian girls who are confident and make me laugh I hope to God we never meet!

A love so perfect is just not meant to be!

gringo said...

The downside to having a "mid-life crisis" is that it means half of your life is over. :)

Juicy Sub said...
This comment has been removed by the author.