Wednesday, 12 March 2008
The Defensive Men Of The Naughties
Sex and the City: The Movie may just be coming out, but the whole idea of women struggling to find love seems seriously dated to me.
Reflect on this: four wonderful, though quite neurotic, women are all living in a city filled with millions of male specimens…and yet, each woman (for a long time) finds it very hard to find a man or they found too many and still couldn’t find what they were looking for…
What I want to know is:
How did they have such luck?
I’ve been single since sometime last year…
Was it October?
Maybe I blacked out the break up?
Either way, I’ve been single for a long time. Now, the question is, has my Heart been single for a long time?
Oh no, Sir, not at all.
I couldn’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve fallen in love over the last few months.
I use the term love, because even if the feeling only lasts a moment, it’s still love beating inside your chest, driving you crazy and causing you to feel inadequate.
The problem for me, that didn’t seem to happen to those SATC girls, is the whole, “Landing the Guy” part; I just can’t seem to achieve it. They are always gay or straight and taken, straight and engaged, straight or married…or, worst and most disheartening of all, straight and not interested.
Oh, what’s a girl to do?
In my little town, when I liked a guy, I knew that something would end up happening between him and me because:
1. There wasn’t that many guys to like, so if I liked a guy it usually meant that we were a decent match…
2. I was wasn't confronted by models every day in the Little Town. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I was the best looking, but let’s just say, that compared to The City and the women that reside there, I could at least walk tall and feel okay about myself most of the time.
3. We were in the same circle/group…whatever. We hung out a lot, got to know each other over a long period of time that seemed to go by so fast, and so, intimate relationships grew faster.
This is how it works for the Women in SATC:
1. Spot Guy
2. Talk to Guy
3. Bed Guy
4. Discover problem with Guy
5. Dump Guy
This is how it works for me:
1. Spot Guy
2. Stare at Guy/Avoid meeting Guy's eye's because he is so intimidating
3. Walk past Guy
4. Go home
Or, even better:
1. Be introduced to Guy
2. Have conversation with Guy
And then either,
3. Realize I’m boring Guy
5. Insult Guy in some desperate attempt to be funny
6. Stop speaking to Guy
3. Guy quickly works into the conversation how he has a girlfriend, fiancée, wife or is a gay guy
4. I try to skip around this, not wanting to make it an issue as if I had been interested in him in the first place (which I had been BUT ALSO A LOT OF THE TIME HAVEN'T BEEN), but try to act casual so Guy knows I’m not trying to pounce on said Guy.
5. Guy acts like I want his meat badly anyway.
Oh, bugger! Is this only happening to me?
Is it the lack of contact with other human beings that is causing me to become socially awkward to the point of retardation with these wonderful, wonderful men?
Do I seem needy or do I already come off as a Cougar at the tender age of 19?
Is the problem that I always seem to be “digging” on Guys who are in their late twenties, and they see me as this little schoolgirl?
Or is it simply that I can’t really hold my own against these amazingly interesting City Women in their late twenties who are not only smart/funny/intelligent/just plain old interesting, but beautiful and fashionable too?
I just can’t keep up.
I wish I could hang out with people my own age, but I can’t go to college right now, due to my work and I haven’t yet found a theatre group I can attend…or a dance class…or a Swingers club…
The problem IS I… I’m not going to go all Carrie on you and start trying to figure out what men want – it’s relatively simple (SEE ALL OF THE ABOVE). I just need to relax, find the Caitlin Hill that I’m comfortable with and just take care of my outward appearance. Sometimes I look in the mirror and see a 40 year old woman…FEEL a 40 year old woman, which makes sense because my first real boyfriend said I was acting like a 30 year old women when I was about 16… What can I say? I’m like to go fast.
Is this my mid-life crisis?
Or is it simply that, my “Love” has been chosen for me already? I think I know- well, I wont go there.
I just wish that Love or Fate or any of that crap could make it easier on a person.
If you’re only meant to end up (eventually) with one great person, then why can one little woman have so many feelings of respect, admiration and yes, a little love for so many great guys?
What kind of guys do I fall for, you ask?
I don’t have particular tastes, but I must say that I am instantly attracted to some guys with beards. So, someone tell me why there are sooo many gay guys with beards???
I think Steven Spielberg, Daniel Day-Lewis, George Lucas are to blame…and my love for men who are a little older than me can be blamed on any prominent actor who did well during the 90s. Especially, Harrison Ford and Robin Williams, who I wanted to marry when I was 7. I like hair.
I am a little bit of a talent whore, I’m attracted to talent, so…I’ve had my fair share of crushes on leading men in local plays.
That’s the other problem. Men who make me laugh. Unfortunately, I find it very hard to be just friends with the funny guy, because during my lifetime laughter has come to also come to be sex.
Yes, that’s right, ladies and gentlemen. If you make me laugh, I’m all yours… it’s such a deeply rooted reaction inside of me now, that, you know, “those organs” respond in the same way during laughter, as they would during a Porno. EDIT: OMG. WHY IS THIS BLOG PUBLIC? HOW EMBARRASSING. UPDATE: I AM MORE IN CONTROL OF THIS NOW. AHEM.
Not all the time however, but definitely if you are a talented man who just happens to be telling a joke while stroking his beard. EDIT: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S MEANT TO BE A JOKE.
Well, that’s kinda fucked up isn’t it? Thanks Robin!