Halloween

Halloween is often not just one day but a weekend or a week of celebration...

This year's Halloween was no exception.

Friday was the Know Your Meme party, which I was really looking forward to because last year's was really fun, I had a really good night overall. Tonight was different though. I wasn't inspired to go to much effort for a meme, so I just went as Shoulder Cookie, which is lame and Michael pissed me off because he wanted me to already be there having a good time and it just seemed like a weird thing to get down about, so I just walked right past him when I got in and checked to see who was there and was in a really, really bad mood. I was even accidentally rude to my dear friend, Ronan, who is crazy and amazing and he said, "We're fighting now!" and I still don't know whether he actually meant it.

Eventually, things lightened up and every thing went OK.

Saturday was better. Because Saturday was Molly. And Saturday's with Molly are always better than confusing boys. So I show up, late (damn, though I tried really hard to get there early, but that damn F train is so unpredictable), and we dress up a bit.
I first dress up in all this weird stuff my Mum sent as a birthday present and took a photo of it, because that's what she wanted... and it didn't make any sense.

Then we took off to Brooklyn for Brad's birthday party. It was freezing. It was really nice to see Brad and Kevin and Nicole and Robert. We hung around the counter eating lollies and chips and dip (they had this amazing cheese dip which I absolutely adored. It felt like a hang out I would have back home when I was younger, and I would have been happy to stay there the whole time, but Molly and I had another party to go too.

It's freezing and we're both wearing heels and we're just trying to zone in on getting to this party without complaining too much, well, at least I am. I'm a bit of cold-whinger.

The Sexy Cat Party was awesome, there was Four Loco, which was funny and other things, and I had an amazing time in this beautiful loft with the gorgeous Michelle and Grace. I remember dancing to Whip My Hair back and forth and taking it very seriously!

I found walking home, very difficult and utterly hilarious. I have never been more intoxicated. Stumbling all over the place, bent over in laughter, leaning on walls and random steps for support while I got my bearings. I had to take a cab home in the end. It was the best!

Sunday was not so good. I felt ill. Hmm, I wonder why? I went uptown with Michael to see our friend do this Opera show and she was amazing and I really enjoyed it, though the place is way too expensive, making you pay for two terrible drinks each. Ugh.

Afterwards, I was paired up with her friend and her and Michael led the way. They get along really well and it's hard for anyone else to really get a word in and I started to feel a bit lonely, left with this stranger, who was perfectly nice, but still, it was awkward.

It just got worse after that. We had dinner and I was neglected and other people were given more intimate attention and it just felt really wrong. I wanted to leave so badly but kept on going. Michael and our friend could probably see that I was in a bad mood but didn't know what to do about it.

It just continued, misery, misery, anger, misery. Not at the girl, but at Michael. Why was he behaving so strangely. Why was he blurring the lines continually? I think I knew what he wanted out of the night and that made me angry.

"Are you guys...all...together?"

Anyway, tried something new I've never tired before, but other than an intense amount of focus while drawing later on and a total freakout later on in the night, it didn't really make me feel any different.

I left early the next morning and ran away from the evening. Even now, when I think about that day, my stomach turns with hot anger and sadness at how I was treated.

Silly Diet

Dear Diet,

You need to stop being so silly. M&Ms for breakfast and lunch? A bagel stick with cream cheese and cucumber at the last minute for dinner? Your Boss making a grilled cheese sandwich at 2am (the Internet never sleeps) for you because your bank wasn't working to let you buy soup is okay, but standing hopelessly in the kitchen beforehand just staring at goods and not knowing what to do with them is pathetic.

Stop doing this okay?

You're meant to snack and eat at least three meals a day. How do you expect to even get through a dance class without almost throwing up at the end if you don't have the right nourishment within to keep you going?

You're silly and your owner, Caitlin, is also silly... actually I don't know who I'm talking to anymore, but you better start eating like an adult woman, else I'mma smack a bitch. That bitch is you.

You're not in college. You're not allowed to eat this way.

Signed,

Aching Back.

P.S.:

"Batman FOREVER?" Why that one to the exclusion of all the others?

By MntlWard on The End of Things - Personal MySpace (TheCaityDork... on 10/21/10

It was the first Batman film I saw in the cinemas and it was awesome for my age. Jim Carrey? HILARIOUS to me. Val Kilmer? TOTALLY HOT, OMG. Nicole Kidman? SO PRETTY, wow. I liked all the bright colours and the frivolity of this bad, bad world. It was fun. The rest are too serious. I definitely would have been an avid watcher of the campy version of Batman back in the 60s. At least my favourite isn't Batman & Robin - that would have really been a crime.

The End of Things - Personal MySpace (TheCaityDork)

This wasn't quite as painful to go through as my other profiles, because I think I was slowly starting to be less arrogant and possibly less ignorant. Thank goodness for aging.

I don't really have much to say about this MySpace profile because I didn't use it that much. I mainly seemed to use it to communicate back and forth with Emily, Emma, Sarah, Brooke, Courtney, Katie, Scott... and a few fan-girl inducing messages from Karen and Anna. Take it awayyyy!

Caitlin Hill

It's Adventure Time! Female 22 years old New York City, New York United States Online Now!

Profile Views: 28, 695

Playlist: I Will Possess Your Heart by Death Cab for Cutie

About me:

I am interested in Acting, Writing, Directing, Marketing and Talent. I love traveling, documenting and staring at you. Others will have to speak for me. I can't... Yes, other characters that I create and give voice to and send out into the world, who, of course, are all really me. Or people I know or I've heard about or read about...well, I think that really all of it is my story - God is a DJ by Falk Richter.

Trust me, it's paradise... This is where the hungry come to feed; for mine is a generation that circles the globe in search of something we haven't tried before. So never refuse an invitation, never resist the unfamiliar, never fail to be polite and never outstay your welcome. Just keep your mind open and suck in the experience...and if it hurts, you know what? It's probably worth it - The Beach originally by Alex Garland. "No. Try not. Do... or do not. There is no try." - YODA. Ours is essentially a tragic age, so we refuse to take it tragically. The cataclysm has happened, we are among the ruins, we start to build up new little habits, to have new little hopes. It is rather hard work: there is now no smooth road into the future: but we go round, or scramble over the obstacles. We've got to live, no matter how many skies have fallen - Lady Chatterley's Lover by D.H. Lawrence.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. - Mel Brooks.

Go whine to your plastic horse or do other off-beat things... - Kirsten in Emo.C.

Who I'd like to meet:

Casey Affleck, Sam Rockwell, Michael Cera (five strange encounters now and I'm not even purposefully trying to get in his way, haha), Ellen Paige, Jim Carrey, Edward Norton, Robin Williams, Zach Braff, Nicole Kidman, Hugh Jackman, Will Ferrell, Martin Scorsese, The Killers, My Chemical Romance, Sam Niell, Ryan Gosling, Rachael McAdams, Judd Apatow, Seth Rogen, Paul Rudd, Steve Carell... My friends in a random act of togetherness. We shall sing on the streets in the heat of the night, drink til we are blind and gaze at starry, yet blurred, summer skies.

Favourite Comments:

oh em gee first comment! hahaha
i'm sorry, i had to do that...i've never done it before!
hope things are going good now that you're back home. can't wait to see you in NY! We're going to tear that place up girly!
i luh yew! - <3lindsay

WOW...now I can read everything :-)...people will defenitely find this one...but just make sure to SHHHUUUUUNNNNN ALL THE NON REAL FRIENDS...SHUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN THEM... :-) Thanks for the close buddy friend add page :-) I will NEVER look at the other one again... ha ha... Love, - Scotty

*sex0rz your page* - Jamie

I should create a profile similar to this and let everybody know who I am. Who I truly am. Will I do it though? Probably not... Maybe one day. - Tony H.

Hello there toaster! Happy Easter! I realise it's a tad on the early side, but I prob wont be online again for a while. Me and the internet have had a falling out and are currently not talking to each other. It's pissed because it found out about my cheating on it with books... Actually, I'm just rambling shit. Procrastinating. You know how it is.
Sooooo...... Someone thought I was a GUY in the pirate video. Bit disturbing. Kinda offensive. Highly amusing. - Emma.

CAH (My Cosine Triangle)!
I know it has only been like 3 days but I miss you. A LOT. especially your sweet words that I quietly whisper to myself (joke)(maybe)(no, it really is). I look like a burnt bitchcookie right now, the sun and I are not on good terms. I was staying by Disney World and it is infested with Australians, I love them.. so sexy. I am so proud of you, you dominated those messages without me..I taught you well young grasshopper ;) Alright my grandma wants her computer so she can whore it up with her grandpa gangsters. My top friends wasn't the same without your awesomeness =D I love you secondwifey? xoxoxo - Courtney S.

zomg its thehill88. u r my fav youtuber. u and happyslp - Tony H.

Poem Time??
I think so..
Ode to My Caitlin
Can anyone imagine myspace without Caitlin?
I know i can't so i'm not imagine-atin.
Is California ready for the most awesomest blonde?
I'm pretty sure they are because the world is pretty fond,
Of my Caitlin, Dear Caitlin, Sweet Caitlin.
Caitlin. - Jamie <3

Hey Caitlin,
Melbourne was pretty sweet, thanks for asking. How was the states? James says "Stop banging those yanks :)"
Anyways, take care.
Cya.
Tim, James, Tim, Tannett, Shayne and the DANMACHINE - Empyrean.

How shall I put this..where the hell are you?! Did your plane crash on some deserted island and now you're being carried around by crazy tribal men and Jack Sparrow? Sexy. If you reach shore, spank Ben for me, heh, no but really don't unless you want to for your own sake. I miss you like a nun misses sexy time..whatever the heck that means. Please come back to me before I put your picture on a chocolate milk carton :( XOX You know my name bitch. - Courtney S.

Yeah, you should have told me you were around so we could have met up and hooked up.
Maybe next time. You know you wanna have that risky feeling of, "Oh my god.
Am I pregnant with a cute Asian baby inside of me?!" - Tony H.

I miss you and your leg. A lot. - Courtney S.

LA called and said get ur ass back here. - Lauren.

blah blah blah sex - Brian.

Haha, you really know how to swoon me.
Sometimes when I’m sad and lonesome,
I think of all the people who have
made me … HUM.
And I can’t think of anyone else,
who has done it better than…
Caitlin.
That’s the second verse, I tried to keep it somewhat G-rated. I miss you too, I want to see your slutface so badly. And, I don’t have anyone to talk about you with or I would all the time. Come back to the internet soon and rescue me please. - Courtney S.

Well I heard this rumour that this one girl called Sarah had this friend called Caitlin ... and they were pretty close but then the friend Caitlin moved to America (many times over) and now this girl Sarah misses her friend Caitlin ... but she is doing good ... just saving up for uni and adventures over to America ... Sarah celebrated Australia Day ... did Caitlin? Sarah has to go but she gives her love to Caitlin and says she will probs write again soon ... XXooXX - Sarah J.

Awww Caitlin, "Purpose" on your profile. I FEEL SO PRINCETON ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING. I'm excited. Also, I just turned 21. Let me know as soon as you know anything concrete since it's all happening really soon. I don't wanna show up there all by myself! D: - Brad.

Hey, have I told you lately that I fucking love you? Because I do, the word "fucking" is merely used for emphasis..and other things.
Some of the songs on my Myspace ipod are for you, or inspired by you, whatevers. I'm bored, you should come on MEN or MSN. xoxoxxx Oh yes, and HAPPY HALLOWEENER! - Courtney S.

I miss you more than Lindsay Lohan misses cocaine. - Ben G.

caitlin
you are sublime. can you be my real-life friend also?? :o
I just watched half a blog and I'm in love. Well I think so...I'm at least in love with milo. it is a vegetarian's dream (2 glasses = all your daily iron needs, YES!)
argh i'm having trouble tracking down these free tix ey but i think we should definitely go on saturday at 2pm regardless - maybe by thursday if i know i can't get tix we should book?
can't wait to catch up with you guys again :)
many loves - Anna M.

I can't believe you cut your legs too! I feel like we have a very special bond now. The only difference is that the cuts I have are in the shape of weeping hearts. Because we're not together. :( - Tony H.

Caitlin, my love, you were far too talkative last night. We had such a lovely chat, just in case you forgot, it went a little something like this:
Me-Hey!
You- Hey. Hey.
Me-What's up?
You-Nothing.
Me-Okay, so I guess I'll ttyl.
You- ...
Twas wonderful ;) Jk, I know you were watching some dirty channel on television. Alright, I escaped from school early because I went down to the nurse and complained of exhaustion..because I was up waiting for you..not really though..stupid American politics..so I'm going to take a nap and dream of you burning your cat. - Courtney S.

I miss talking to you too. I want to spend a night on the couch with you again, but this time, sharing the same one. - Tony H.

I have one word for you ... hypochondrojackle ... - Sarah J.

From left to right: Joe, Caitlin, Lindsay, Brad - Brad.

another pizza showed up tonight... i didnt answer the door rory did and he came to my door and was all....your pizza is here and i got freaked out im like its not mine ! and i locked the door... yeah its starting to get weird.. two pizzas being delivered at one in the morning on sunday....well now its monday morning... yeahhhh - Brooke B.

"Would it be uncomfortable if I kissed you?" - Tony H and " wish we had spent more time together. I was opening up to you! Sigh. Next tiiime."

Aw thanks luvvy(I like to steal your aussie lingo)I keep thinking that phone converstaion was all a wonderful dream..*smack me*..but, honestly & sadly, my best and favorite birthday present was your phone call which made me frolic and prance in my friend's yard. I'm still wondering who the 'we' is that wants me to come to California, are you referring to yourself as two people again? Caitlin Hill or TheHill88? I've been too afraid to even mention the crazy concept to my nazi dad because he'll interegate me and it is still "up in the air." I hope you had fun at pixelodeon and won a pixie stick(?), I thought that was necessary. Love you xx Hopefully see you soon =D - Courtney S.

I know it is probably on your calender but tonight is National Sleep Naked night :) Seriously. And, I was tardy for Math class the other day because I stayed up so late talking to you and baking you a magical cake. The things I do for you, Caitlin Hill. I hope you're enjoying your selfish, racist, whorish self ;) Only 7 days until I can see Rated R movies! How exciting. Love you xox. - Courtney S.

You + me = hot naked bodies?!?!
What do you mean by that! This is inappropriate! I thought we were just friends! - Tony H.

Hey girl! how you doing? i love your profile page..cool music and who doesn't like apples! - Lisa N.

Your last comment to me was: We should mate
Now, I'm not sure if you're saying, "We should, mate" as in, we should do that, and then you called me your buddy. OR if you were telling me that we should procreate. Hmm. - Tony H.

Caitlin 's Details

Status:	Single
Here for:	Friends
Orientation:	Straight
Hometown:	Beenleigh/Gold Coast
Body type:	165cm
Zodiac Sign:	Virgo
Children:	Undecided
Education:	High school
Occupation:	New Media Slave

Caitlin 's Interests

General	Acting, Writing, Editing, Film, Directing, Dance, Internet, Reading, Knowledge, Travel. Truth. Beauty. Freedom. Love.
Music	Faith No More, Claire Bowditch, David Bowie, Simply Red, Tom Waits, The Smiths, Wreckless Eric, The White Stripes, Spoon, Smash Mouth, Simon & Garfunkel, Bernard Fanning, Powderfinger, Regina Spektor, My Chemical Romance, Muse, Mika, Maroon 5, Marilyn Monroe, KT Tunstall, Kings of France, The Killers, Joss Stone, Josh Pyke, Jeff Buckley, The Village Soundtrack (James Newton Howard), The Departed Soundtrack (Howard Shore), Gym Class Heroes, Green Day, Foo Fighters, Fat Bot Slim, Frank Sinatra, Dropkick Murphys, Emiliana Torrini, Datarock, The Grates, Corinne Baily Rae, Commuter, The Cat Empire, The Brothers Johnson, Blur, Justin Timberlake, Lily Allen, Angus and Julia Stone, Sia, Richard Cheese, Jem, Imogen Heap, John Coltrane, The Prodigy...
Films	The Beach, Juno, Superbad, The Goonies, The Breakfast Club, 16 Candles, All or Nothing, The Court Jester, Plan 9 From Outer Space, Master & Commander, Full Metal Jacket, Amelie, Drop Dead Fred, Stranger Than Fiction, The Last Kiss, The Departed, Blood Diamond, Day After Tomorrow, Independence Day, Dogville, Batman Forever, 40 Year Old Virgin, Bruce Almighty, Liar Liar, Bewitched, Borat, 300, The Prestige, Disney, Thumbelina, The Producers, Moulin Rouge, Strictly Ballroom, American Beauty, American History X, Trainspotting, Danny Boyle, Jurassic Park, Forrest Gump, Sin City, Romeo & Juliet, Once Upon A Time In Mexico, Ferngully, 12 Angry Men, Hook, Happy Feet, Walk The Line, The Weather Man, Lost in La Mancha, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Star Wars, LOTR, Indiana Jones, Leon, Fight Club, The Matrix, Braveheart, Back to the Future, Children of Men, V for Vendetta, Crash, The Graduate, Pups, Little Miss Sunshine, 8MM, Hot Fuzz, Shaun of the Dead, Twelve Monkeys, Ed Wood, Sunshine, The Pursuit of Happyness, Blow, Girl Interrupted, Knocked Up, An Inconvenient Truth, Bowling for Columbine, Practical Magic, The Black Dahlia, 28 Days, Almost Famous, Jesus' Son, The Phantom of the Opera, The Night Before Christmas, Corpse Bride, Labyrinth, Rocky Horror Picture Show, The Notebook, Death to Smoochy, Down With Love, Stage Beauty, Jarhead, Human Traffic, Hitch, Little Manhattan, Calamity Jane, A Street Car Named Desire, Mr & Mrs Smith, My Date With Drew, Praise, Gettin' Square, Whale Rider, Without A Paddle, Violence des échanges en milieu tempéré, MIB, The Village, Saved!, Sky High, Whats Eating Gilbert Grape, Dead Man, Sleepy Hollow, Red Dragon... ..
Television	Sex and the City, The Office, Family Guy, American Dad, The Simpsons, Futurama, Seinfeld, Just Shoot Me, Will & Grace, 3rd Rock From The Sun, Harvey Birdman, Drawn Together, The Bad Things Josh Schwartz Creates... ..
Books	Books about The World and Travel, The Enchanted Woods, Jane Austen, Deltora Quest, Harry Potter, Historical Bio's, Dreamrider by Barry Jonsberg, The Understudy by David Nicholls, Gunseller by Hugh Laurie, The Tao of Pooh by Benjamin Hoff, I Am America (and so can you), Someday This Pain Will Be Useful To You.. ..
Heroes	Casey Affleck, Ellen Paige, Amelie, D.H. Lawrence, Leonardo Dicaprio, Robin Williams, Jim Carrey, Nicole Kidman, David Wenham, Baz Luhrman, Martin Scorsese, Edward D. Wood Jr. ..

Being the Fan

I received this comment on my last blog entry:

Why do you like making going up to someone your a fan of,

or someone who's work you respect,

more complicated than it needs to be?

You don't have to have an entire conversation planned out to

go talk to people youre a fan of.. geez.

Otherwise you're going to be writing or saying that alot

more. Just go up to whoever it is next time and stop

overthinking it so damn much. haha

By Anonymous on Whiplash on 10/10/10

I don't always make it complicated. Sometimes I will simply be a fan because I'm in the mood to be a fan, but I mostly just don't like the glaze in their eyes I see as they receive my compliment. When I meet the people I admire, I want my meeting with them to matter and it rarely does. I've seen and met quite a few celebrities or people that I admire very much after living in New York City, so perhaps I'm a little jaded about it.

Is it so wrong to want to be a memory for them, even if it's a faint one? There's no point in being just another face in the crowd full of empty admiration.

I suppose you could say that not saying anything makes you a face in the crowd... but if I am not utterly compelled to say something to them, then I don't see it as a problem for me.

This particular evening was just a little awkward because it was a small bar and we'd constantly lock eyes (the same thing happened the next Monday with a different comedian) - and if we were in a party setting amongst mutual friends we'd probably eventually talk, but because it was a bar, it was just weird.

But yes, I should have just "been the fan" that night. I shouldn't find that position as degrading as I do.

Whiplash

I can't find my journal. This makes me nervous. I'm sure I've probably misplaced it, but since I have a tendency towards paranoia, I sometimes wonder whether someone has taken it for some late-night reading... But why? No, Caitlin, you've just misplaced it. You probably hid it somewhere and have now forgotten where your hiding place is.

I miss my journal because apart from updating on foursquare of places I've been too or taking pictures, I don't really feel like I'm recording my time here well. I could say my last days here, but I don't think these will be my last days in New York.

Last night was amazing. A friend of my friend had reserved seats for him at Whiplash, the free show that plays each Monday at the UCB Theatre and I couldn't remember the last thing I had seen at UCB (something with Jake probably, but what? Who knows?)

I sat down with a PBR and expected to be tickled but not really impressed, but wow, I didn't know how amazing these comedians were going to be - and how could I? I hadn't read the line up.

I have not yet seen enough stand-up shows to start commenting on acts without sounding like a total fraud, but of all the performers (Hannibal Buress, Louis Katz, Sheng Wang, Louis C.K., Seth Herzog, Jessi Klein and Donald Glover) that entertained us that night, Sheng Wang, Hannibal Buress, Louis C.K., and Donald Glover had me laughing the most.

I was so surprised when they announced Louis C.K. and the audience was too, because I don't think a lot of people knew he would be there, and he was amazing. I loved how casual his performance was, with his notepad out and his tangents, but that made it all the more special.

His bit about technology that went viral online stuck with me for a long time and this time he helped me confirm that shutting down more of my online accounts is definitely the way to go. He also made me miss my journal, since he himself has decided to stop writing on the computer because he finds it too distracting, and I do too. I can't get anything done without getting hundreds of completely pointless things dones before.

I've been up since 8am and yet I have hardly accomplished anything except for minor Social Network activities. It's pathetic and frankly, alarming, and I don't want my life to be caught up in it all that much.

"Fuck you, just a little bit, sweetheart, fuck you."

- Louis C.K.

Sheng Weng had me shaking with laughter, he was just wonderful, and Donald Glover was such a surprise because I think I had just seen some clips of him at Ad Week and, of course, from some episodes of Community. Not to forget where I first saw him, on YouTube in the comedy troupe Derrick Comedy. I remember subscribing to them back in 2006. Look at well he has done!

Afterwards we met my friends friend and had a drink and some of the comedians who had performed were there, including Donald Glover, at one point I felt like saying, "Great show/set" but without any introduction or anything worth his time to say afterwards I didn't bother. I probably should have. I should have just committed to being a fan, maybe if I was positive that I remembered him from Derrick Comedy, which I wasn't until this morning, I could have been like, "YouTuuuube!" but ah well, no loss for him, I'm sure.

A lot of the comedians seemed to touch on getting older and being more responsible, and though I myself have no inclination to get responsible by having children, waking up early in the morning does make you feel like a responsible person who should at least own a pet or something.

That's how I felt this morning after I had grabbed some breakfast and spent a good 15 minutes at CVS making sure I bought the cheapest deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush and moisturizing lotion. The act of being awake and being cheap somehow brought on this idea that maybe a pet could further my progress. I've decided, for the animal's sake, that that was a terrible idea.

However, responsible I am clearly not, I am so behind on everything and writing this silly blog doesn't help.

Here's an abrupt endi-

The Social Network & Aphrodisiacs

This week I felt like I spent a lot of time horizontal.

I finally deciding on a school only to find out it will be almost impossible to study and survive and that I'd have to wait until January to apply and by then my VISA would be over so I'd only be able to apply as a Student and I could only work on campus.

I decided to just go back home.

My application for a Green Card is preliminary, anyway. The lawyer wanted to see a bio and my previous application to see whether it would be worth our (read: his) time.

My travel plans also changed. I can't afford Canada. My Mum was right. But Emily in Santiago is still a-once-in-a-lifetime thing, so, yes Santiago.

I saw The Social Network twice. On Thursday with iJustine and MGM - who were in town for a panel for AdWeek and DeStorm shortly before he moved to Los Angeles.

I really enjoyed this film. The Tilt-Shift used in, what I like to call, Part Two, of the film was awesome to see on the big screen, since I've only seen it on Vimeo-sized screens beforehand.

Andrew Garfield was a delight and I knew that he was definitely on his way to being a "Star" - later I found out he was chosen to be Spider-Man in the new series of films, so I have the eye for these folks... like all the hundreds of other no-names in Hollywood. Sigh.

I saw it again the next night with Jen with this big crowd of tech nerds. Jen said Twitter or someone was there with a case of beer. Whatever. A girl lost her phone but it was quickly returned. Afterwards I went with Jen to have an egg cream and we discussed the future. She told me it's all about trial and error, but I told her that because I do not have the convenience of being a citizen, I don't have the luxury of wasting time on trial and error.

Leaving for Australia seems more and more like the best idea. I really want to audition for WAAPA. However, seeing pictures of old friends makes me not want to go back... not because there is anything wrong with them, but because there is something wrong with me.

There's a quiet fear of feeling like a failure for returning, a fear of once again feeling like an outsider. To return when so many of my friends are overseas...

On Saturday I went with Dr. Johnson to St Marks at what became my favourite Japanese restaurant, too. Afterwards we bought cheap bottles of shots and cans of coke and mixed them with our drinks while watching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas at midnight at the Sunshine Theatre. Afterwards we went to a bar... though I do not remember it.

On Sunday, slightly hungover, we had Big Daddy's for breakfast, though it was probably well after 2 by the time we at there... maybe even near 4! I saw my nails and they were dirty. Fingers get so dirty in New York.

Afterwards I met Molly to go the Museum of Sex, which was interesting and funny and I felt a little immature. The Anime of the threesome was kind of hot in a very... juicy way... I mean a sexist way. Yeah. Ugh.

Afterwards we went downstairs to this Aphrodisiac bar and we each chose a drink with different qualities. Mine was apparently good for productivity and it tasted nice too, but I didn't see any grand leaps in productivity that night or the days that followed.

We meandered around Eataly and the Madison Square Market and decided on Tapas for dinner at this restaurant on 19th that I had always wanted to go too, because of the beautiful chandeliers hanging up all around. Music began to play and people danced and danced, almost a little too wildly.

I vowed no more late nights! My vow was quickly broken.