Sunday, 2 July 2006

I can't leave until you get happy - SO GET HAPPY! BAM!

I think I'm being fired. Or I am just in a lot of trouble. I'll find out this morning anyway. Stupid me, renting out that game for free. Stupid GIR for making me have to swap shifts all the time. Stupid Blockbuster for making me even care that I might be getting fired. I think I don't like it because it is a sign of failure...I always wanted to leave Blockbuster when I was good and ready, not when they were ready to get rid of me. If I am being fired, I am going to do that display board first...I just want it to be done, even if she doesn't use it afterwards. I feel rather depressed thinking about this possible sacking...and nervous too, because I'm going to go down there this morning and apologize and ask what that note means.

Sarah and I are going to hang out this morning too. I'm going to go with her and her Mum to see how her ticket booking goes. Her parents bought her a ticket for November, and so I don't think I'll be going over there with her anymore, but it will be nice to have someone to greet me when I arrive later on. It's a bit annoying. I don't know if the world wants me to leave early or not, but I want to have a christmas at home before I go over.

I also saw this advertisement for SAE, who do courses on digital film production and film industry careers, and it was on the back of the Blockbuster magazine so I thought that it might be good to look in to it. And I did, and it looks pretty cool. I don't know what the prices are for studying there, but I do know that they have schools in the UK in Liverpool and London and Oxford and everywhere in the world. Brisbane too. So I'm going to look in to it, and try to get into a course there, because it would be very cool to get some good knoweledge and experience behind the scenes, so that I can be well rounded and grounded for anything. I know my career will be in the film industry. It's either that or theatre. I love it too much, I don't think I could go through life without being a part of it in some way. In front of the camera or sweeping the floors behind it. I think I would make a good director anyway. I've just got to get a bit better with words and describing words for emotions, because I find myself struggling to explain my emotions sometimes, and nobody listens to a rambling director...I've got to fill my head with knowledge and be able to explain ideas clearly and efficiently. I have got to buy myself a DV camera too. And not just before I go to the UK, but now so I can shoot some thoughts and use the programs I have on my computer that I only just realized were there, silly me.

EDIT 10/17/10: I didn't go to SAE. My friend Harry did buy my a DV camera for my birthday that year though.

Sarah and I are going to call up dance schools today, and go back to dancing to keep fit and keep ourselves well rounded in everything. I don't want Sarah to pike on me. I've got to get a licence, so if she does I can keep going, I'm really excited actually. It's going to be awesome to go back to dancing will hurt quite a bit at first and be super embarrassing. But we are hopefully going to do some jazz classes first to get fit and flexible and then go on to do ballet and even tap. I would also love to join the eisteddfod classes again, that would be awesome! And imagine doing a concert again? Oh, the love! It would be so sweet!

EDIT 10/17/10: This never happened. I wouldn't take another dance class until 2010.

Oh, and I'm so going to have my 18th at the Dell Plaza Hotel, I'm going to call up the Party Bus and make sure they can travel that far, and then I'm totally going to book it. It's going to so sweet! This huge party room with a bar attendant and a security gaurd. And because everyone has to arrive and leave on the party bus at the same time, everyone will be together and it will be so fun. And there is a dance floor and lights, and a movie screen if we want to show any embarrassing Caitlin footage...I think I will just scan some embarrassing little pictures of me and then put all the videos and pictures I've shot of me and my friends on and just loop it all night. Oh, I'm so excited!

EDIT 10/17/10: This never happened either, though I do believe we seriously looked into it. I think I just had a party at home which was Football and Cheerleader themed, which was totally bizarre, because I dislike sports and have never wanted to be a cheerleader.

GIR rehearsals were a waste of my energy. I ended up crying on the way there because I missed my stop and I knew Blockbuster was mad at me, but I called my Mum and Darryl and they helped me get a bus to the right place, :). I love them very much. I've also been thinking about my Dad quite a bit and I think I might even miss him? It's a weird feeling to feel that, because I've never missed my Dad before.

When I finally got to GIR rehearsals I was 50 minutes late and nobody was there except for Ellah and Chris. Nobody got the email. After an hour, one girl turned up and we rehearsed the scene once and then played theatre games which we totally sucked at. And I looked crap and felt crap, and it was really annoying.

When I finally got home, Emily came over after a while, and she was balling her eyes out. She has been all alone lately, her cousins and roommates are away for one month and I think she is feeling a bit stressed out from being home alone.

So I made her stay home with me that night, and I woke her up in the morning and gave her tea and toast and I tucked her in at night and she seems much happier to of been mothered a bit, she even made me sit beside her and stroke her hair and tell her stories (well that was my idea) until she fell asleep. Poor darling, I really do think she has left home a year too early. I don't know why she just didn't stay at her house, but I'm glad she came over, it was good to see her, even though we didn't talk about much. She just swapped her alone story and I swapped my 'I think I'm being fired and I'm nervous' story. It was good to wake up early though, I went outside and breathed in the air and took photos of the morning sun.

I better start getting ready though, I've got to go down to Blockbuster and see what that note meant, pay off my late fees and apologize. I hate managers, they aren't human anymore when they get that title, they become alien, like they have forgotten that people have emotions and problems in their life, and they get consumed in their petty lives. EDIT 10/17/10: Compared to what? You're amazing and fulfilling life. Come off it, Caitlin. Like, Blockbuster, why would anyone want to make that a career??? A job, yeah. Career - hell no!

I'm pretty excited about the future, and pretty nervous too. You know, I hope I am being let go, I hope that I quit first so I don't have to put that I was fired on any records or anything. There is just so many better opportunities out there.

Moving Forward Fearlessly.

Love Always & Latro The Tired Kitten and Ever-Mothering Froglet.

P.S: Ooooooh, butterflies.

Well you're completely wrong you know, because I don't love you, because I don't love anyone. Because love is for girls and girls are disgusting. Because I'm a loner, I'm a crazy wide-eyed loner on a doomed space mission to Venus to do battle with the three-headed MegaBeast...but on the way there, I caught Cornflakes Disease....BLURGH!!!!

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