I am an idiot sometimes. I really wanted to see the Gothic Symphony at QPAC, but the tickets were sold out. So I was relieved when I saw that rehearsal tickets were available. I would have been very happy to sit in a theatre for three hours or so watching the orchestra rehearse this once-in-a-lifetime piece. So I purchased tickets for December 22nd.
Well, December 22nd rolled around at what did I do? Did I go to the QPAC at 10am with all the other eager classical music enthusiasts or did I take a Skype meeting and then travel up to the Hyperdome to meet some friends I've known since Primary School?
I did the latter. I am glad that I did because I had a great time with them, laughing at old memories and swapping new stories, but I really wish I had at least gone to the symphony and then down to meet my friends. They didn't clash with the once-in-a-lifetime piece, the meeting did. I'm glad I took the meeting, but I should have remembered and pushed it back to TODAY not Wednesday.
Ah, regret. Regret and guilt. You are such familiar feelings. The ticket money gone to waste. The music left unheard. I still keep messing up. Will it ever stop?
All I do is let myself down. I make myself sad. Why do I keep punishing myself when it only leads to more punishment.
On Sunday it rained and we curled up, cold, inside for most of the day.
On Monday it was sunny and hot and I ventured to beaches with Dad. It was beautiful. I had fish and chips and couldn't keep my eyes open by the afternoon.
Tuesday was long-distance calls, delays, and pangs of loneliness in the night. I light my little nightlight every night. To forget to do so would be to let go of every thing way to soon.
Wednesday. Wednesday should have been music and friends.
Thursday should have been a meeting and then shopping.
The two things that matter in life and then the two things that ultimately don't.