The other evening while cleaning my room, I suddenly began to turn around slowly to face my teetering stack of books which lie next to my bed.
I slowly reached my hand out to a familiar cover, that I had not yet investigated, and pulled out, 'Go Ask Alice' by "Anonymous".
I sat down amongst my cleaning and started reading the first few pages and then Mr Dark rang and it wasn't until a little after 2am did I pick up the book again.
After the first few pages, I had to read more, I had to know what this mystery girl was going to come to. And then I did learn her fate, at around 10 to 5 in the morning and closed the book and sobbed with sadness, and quite possibly, exhaustion.
I just felt so bad for her. Whether she was fiction or not, no character should have to be dragged through the muck like that.
I had my hesitations about believing if the story was true or not, and later that morning Jake confirmed my suspicions that it was in fact a work of fiction cooked up my some Mormon group or whatever, which made me feel a whole lot better.
It was still a decent book. The writing was similar to that of a 15 year old girl. I would know, because I wrote scarily similar to her in my own diary.
It was only when I read her descriptions of her drug-induced state did I feel that it didn't quite ring true... and then when the audience is told with a * that the rest of the entries (up until her second diary) were found of paper and paperbags. If she really was that out of her mind, I doubt she had the sense to keep all her thoughts with her throughout her whole wild journey.
It did make me feel bad though about my own past desires. I had always wanted to try acid, at least once, and when I was much, much, much older, and only with people I trusted with my life.
After a conversation with Jake, I'm not so sure. Do I really want to be completely out of control for hours on end? Do I really want to have flashbacks? Do I really want my brain to see things that are hovering on my subconscious? I'm not sure. Because I don't think its good.
It almost feels like a battle. Like I should face it in order to prove that I can make it through the night.
Ha. Silliness.
Anyway... take a look at it, if you haven't. There was even a movie made with *dramatic pause* William Shatner.
In the rest of my life... I may be on Taxi TV in NYC soon. If it does air, it'll be so funny.
19 comments:
Reading in solitude and feeling emotions because of it can help reset the senses I think, like smelling coffee grounds to regain sensitivity to a perfume or cologne. It allows us to better put in emotional context the experiences we have with others. Or maybe I'm talking out of my ass. But it seems valid to me.
I'm sorry to hear your help and resources were disrespected; it's a shame when people show contempt for things that are offered in charity.
Good luck heading into February. It's coming faster than I thought it would.
Hey, sometimes just putting your thoughts and feelings out there helps release them.
I'm sorry you were treated in such a way, some people aren't very familiar with the concept of respect.
I think I can speak for most of us hear reading your blog when I say that we do love and respect you here!
-Take Care :)
Personally, I love it when a book jerks me into a huge emotional state. I figure that was always there and the story helped unlock it, so it's not always bad. I have a feeling that you might be one of those folks that needs a 'safety valve' like that on a regular basis.
You should blog about what you are, and what you think. And right now, you're pissed, and that's ok. You've always expressed your happy, bubbly, creative side, Caitlin, so why not show us this one? You were smart in not naming names, so let it out. And I'm sorry that you've been used; it sucks, but it's a learning experience, too. You'll be oh-so-wiser for the morrow.
Not a Mormon group, but a Mormon individual, from what I read on wiki
I have done several Lysergic acid diethylamide trips when I was younger and its psychological effects vary greatly from person to person. It is true that it can cause significant changes in their personality and life perspective.
If you do wish to try this psychedelic hallucinogen: ingest a single tab with trustworthy & willing friends, in a safe, comfortable setting (home) and enjoy!
The effect usually kicks in after 20 minutes of ingestion and lasts up to 8 hours. I may also suggest not to have any prior commitments the following day, so you will have a chance to recover. :P
The thing I hated about acid is that the effect lasts so damn long. A day later, I kept feeling this buzzing sensation in my body, and I didn't want it any more.
However, the sensation itself was more pleasant than what weed does to me, which is not at all pleasant.
I was sorry to hear you didn't get the job on Fringe. I was looking forward to that. :-/
Whats this about you being used?
Did you edit part of this blog before I got here? What happened Caitlin?
You know I (we)hate being in the dark about such things. I moonlight as a hit man if you need a job done.:=)
I like that you read;;; period.
Acid? I can't tell you not to do it because I've done it many times and don't want to appear a hypocrite. If your interested I will tell you some of my stories at my blog as it will be to long and you can way those with Jakes and others to make your own educated decision.
How does one describe a bad trip on acid? Kill me make sense.
Go Ask Alice, eh. Is that not a line from that Jefferson Airplane song? I find in curious that amusing tales centered on childhood become conflated with the idea of drug use. I suppose that the use of mind altering drugs is the easiest way for the adult brain to relate to a world that would normally only be accessible to a seven year old girl. In any event, there is nothing mystical about LSD. It’s just a drug, and like all drugs has certain effects which can be perceived as negative and others which can be perceived as positive. These effects of course vary by person, but they can still be evaluated by statistical frequency. It’s always best to do thorough objective research on a drug before experimenting to determine whether the potential benefits are worth the risks.
I will now quote indulgently from that classic tale. Whereas Alice encounters a strange concoction:
“…and round the neck of the bottle was a paper label, with the words ‘DRINK ME’ beautifully printed on it in large letters.
It was all very well to say ‘Drink me,’ but the wise little Alice was not going to do that in a hurry. ‘No, I’ll look first’, she said, ‘and see whether it’s marked “poison” or not’; for she had read several nice little histories about children who had got burnt, and eaten up by wild beasts and other unpleasant things, all because they would not remember the simple rules their friends had taught them…”
-James, with help from Lewis Carroll
Yeah, I think I also did not see something that is being referred to in other comments. :-/
Our consciousness is the most precious and unique thing we have. I don't see why anyone has any curiosity of what it would feel like to abandon that, even if only temporarily.
You are a very talented writer. I am always impressed with and greatly enjoy your words. I also enjoy your videos. I am amazed with what you and Nat and others have already done in your two decades of living. And now for a lighter side...your mom is hot.
Dear Caitlin,
You make me smile :D
I'm not sure what the first few comments are saying about you feeling used and upset...just know that everyone here, whether we express it or not, loves what you do and that you stay connected to the online community.
I'm sure I can speak for everyone when I say, "Thank you."
I got started writing blogs when I found your blog profile and thought, "Wow. I have lots of thoughts too. Maybe I should start one of these..." I have tried to keep up with each of your blog dates (it's hard work! haha).
I never really liked reading, (however I do read things that interest me: The Hot Zone, The Cobra Event, The Alchemyst, etc.) but I enjoy reading your updates and giving me a perspective on my life from yours.
I love letting my mind wonder while in the middle of a project (cleaning!). It is a great opportunity to "get away" and dream. There is something so mesmerizing about the loneliness.
[wow..I've rambled on...sorry]
If you are interested in doing acid, then let me tell you about what I have learned:
-do it with people you trust and they trust you
-do it with people who know about acid and have done it before
-do not trip when highly stressed or very emotional ( = bad trips)
-be sure to be in a safe place (most likely your house or a friends)
If you are any more interested, have any questions or would like to hear about trips that I have had, feel free to e-mail me anytime you would like.
Have a safe and wonderful new year! (It's coming sooo fast!!!)
~Christopher
Stay away from drugs. It's not the '60's or '70's anymore. It's a Police State (buzz kill much?).
Hi Caitling. I'm someone who wants to ask you something very important! and.. u're someone who can help me! I need some advices.. well I've been trying to put this in a way u dont put this comment behind.. I'm not trying to be ur friend.. (well that dind't help right?) hahahah well actually I'd love it!!!.. I really need ur advices so, I'd apreciate if u add me to my msn so we can talk, come on! haha.
I will give u my flog account so u can see some pics of me andd.. well i have facebook as well haha, whatever..
www.fotolog.com/mariamsawan
well what I wanna talk to u is very important and well.. nothing, I'm online mostly of the time so when u add me we can talk XD
I'm online of studying, studying studying university goes me crazy haha.
See u soon my friend! hope you dont put away my comment! really need to talk!
oh.. i used to do this page.. www.mariamsawan.com haha but it I couln'dt be bothered to finish it.. hahahha I just played with 3 days.. but whatver haha
cya!
Acid's good if you're not afraid.
Looking through your old posts and came across this one. I remember reading that book! At the moment - I thought it was real, but now I'm relieved that it was only a work of fiction written by some Mormon individual. -phew- It was still a good read, though. (:
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