Monday, 6 October 2008

"Are You There World? It's Me, Caitlin."

Dear World,

So begins my journey of being a 20 year old female Australian living in New York City, who desperately wants to create and is frustrated by the power the Online World has over her...

What will happen as she descends or ascends (depending on how optimistic you are) on her 3rd decade and the rip-roaring 20s that usually make or break any human being?

Will she learn to put her Online Life to better use?

Will she be a successful business woman, a struggling artist, or a sad Koala?

Will she be in love?

Will she survive the fantasy land that is New York City?

I found an eyelash on my keyboard, picked it up, blew it away and wished for nothing.


Chapter One: Apartments

After getting to bed at around 4 in the morning after a very long conversation with Fox Lampert, I woke up just as Golightly woke up to tell us that we all had an hour before we had to see the first apartment that we were looking at today.

It didn't take me long to get out of bed and soon enough we were waiting for the 6 train to waddle by, only to soon exit the station when Golightly realized we were only 7 streets and a few avenues away from the first house; brilliant.

On the way there Miss Pop and I disagreed on the art of spitting. For a girl she is remarkably graceful at it. I suppose I'm just jealous that I've never been able to muster the power to get a shot.

The first place was lovely, a bit out of the way when it comes to the subway, but it was bright and sunny and would probably do us fine. However, even though we could try to convert the "common space" into a third bedroom, I'm pretty darn sure that would just put a lot of tension and stress upon whoever has to sleep there. Partition or not, they still have no privacy and I can just see them getting really unhappy. I know I would, so I'm secretly hoping we find a three or four bedroom that works for us.

The next place was on the Upper East Side, so we jumped on the 4 and walked like we were on a mission to get there on time. I felt like I was on a bit of an adventure, because I was walking to streets I had never been before. It really is amazing how you could spend a lifetime in New York City and still never see everything, how disappointing.

The next place was nice, better than the first, but quite cramped, however we were pretty excited about it. I think at the moment its coming in at a Third. However, we really need to be out before the end of November, and they don't leave until the 7th.

After a quick pit-stop of Nerds for me and Redbull for Golightly, we hopped on the subway again all the way up to what I believe is called Spanish Harlem.

After walking the wrong way, we finally came towards it. At first we were all a bit worried, because its quite an exposed old building and looked like it was crumbling away, but on the inside it is absolutely gorgeous. Glazed brick and cherry red floors, big windows, two bathrooms, four bedrooms. I really hope Fail decides that he would like to live with us or that we can find one more person to join in on the future fun times.

Golightly wants to keep looking, whereas I'm all about settling, but she is right, of course. We have to make sure we ARE getting the best deal. I just really want at least ONE THING in my life to be finalized. Everything is hanging in space at the moment, and I mean absolutely everything. It's so hard to be happy, when the one thing that is delaying your happiness is Time and you can't do anything to speed it up...except keep on living. Who would have ever though that that sentence could sound so depressing?

Before you grab the nearest sharp object, I shall continue with my day.

After we had talked to the other lovely girls living in the apartment building we took the 6 home and I read the NFT Guide that I had given Golightly to see exactly what the possible Future PlaySchool House lies next to, and was excited to see that I could ride my bike to Central Park on weekends, that would be so lovely! As I would love to see the park more. I think it would be good for my spirit. I also like the idea of being so close to so many museums, as I desperately want to visit more museums and art galleries. If I'm not going to college then I might as well do everything I can to broaden my mind in the meantime.

When I got home, I grabbed my candy (I'm eating my feelings at the moment, so you should see the effects soon enough) and watched Love and Other Disasters, which I had rented from the iStore. It was okay, very silly and plain. After that I had to go meet Boom and we discussed Space and my current complication, which will henceforth be known simply as, "The Complication".

When I got home I made myself far too much rice and beans that had been sitting in my cupboard for forever, and sat down at my mac to watch Another Cinderella Story, which was bad soft core tween porn in some parts and then Freaks, which is a new favourite of mine now.

I thought that I would be freaked out and scared by this movie, but the characters and actors were just so adorable and some were really talented and I just fell in love with it. I'll definitely purchase the copy of it I saw at Virgin the other day.

I talked to FL for a bit, which is always full of sadness and then somehow ended up here...4:43am on a Monday morning, blogging to nobody in particular.

Ah well, at least my friend Winter is here chatting to me. I'm going to say goodbye to her and goodnight to you.



Olli said...

Well goodnight and good morning to you too. It's always interesting to read your blog though this emits sadness. BTW Of course she will be in love.

Bryan_Valladares said...

Well a Koala is adorable too. Amazing introspection! I miss being so melancholic... but, you gave me a little inspiration. Thanks, and, keep on living,... you make our world a better place to live, sharing your light.

Brent said...

First, I like to say that this blog post has answered many nagging questions that were in the back of my mind; like how was Caitlin coping with the minor setbacks that would prevent her from living to her potential in the big ol' mean streets of NYC. Well, it seems that you have made yourself a strong, trustworthy group of friends that will enhance and not hamper, your existence.

And secondly, I can smile easily at the fact that you chose candy over Kentucky Bourbon, to ease your jittery nerves.

Awesome post, Caitlin!

Dizzknee said...

You write very well, Caitlin. I'm sure I've said that to you before, but it really is meaningful to read your posts.

I know what you mean about being frustrated with regards to time. I'm in a bit of a similar situation right now, and am also looking for a new place to live.

My one piece of advice that I can offer you is to not rush things and try to be appreciative of your age and that you have far more days ahead of you than behind. Because when you're on the other side of 30, you'll often wish you were 20 again, trust me.

Don't try and speed up time. It passes quickly enough, often too quickly.

...and you're definitely right about the fantasy land that is New York City. It has that quality for sure, doesn't it? While I'm running around the streets of Manhattan this week, I'll keep your thoughts in mind.

Keep safe,
Earle : )

Chris in the Studio said...

Its true, you could go a whole life time and not see it all but not you Caitlin Hill, not
Good Luck with the apartment search.
If your considering spanish harlem why not check out places like Park Slope, Fort Green or Dumbo. These are some of the best quality for the money places in metropolitan ny. You can get a lot more space for your money.

Jim B said...

You could take a lesson from Palin and try to tough it out through rough times but it looks like that is what you are doing. From what you said, I gather that Nerds is candy and not an energy drink. My sentiments are with you and I hope things go better for you.

atshore said...

It's better to be a struggling artist and experience life than to be a part of the illusion of success and missing out on so much more. Surely everything in a city of LCD and neon glitter, with the allure of finding a "success" for those adept in the talent of the arts, has to be real!

Especially when hundreds of thousands of automatons are reaching for the same thing like a grasp in the dark. And every activity with a trusted (with a light use of the term) group of people feels like one is amidst Armageddon itself; alone with everyone else.

It's hard to find anything when you're lost in a sea of nothingness. When you find your place after years of searching you'll find it. Far from where you, mentally and physically, are now. Just like Hollywood isn't America, neither is NYC. Yet, if you haven't found that out already, you will in time. You'll find no dreams there unless disconnect-distress is a part of that which you crave.

There is no make. There is no break. There is only living to try to and find something. If you feel you want more out of life then you deserve it. You'll find it when you change the little parts about yourself limiting the part missing. Stop paying mind to time passed, more to what's passing you now and reach for it. Whatever you think will be worthwhile and worth the trouble.

Your experiences and the self-acknowledgements will make for great character when (hopefully) the coming times change everything we all know. Think about it all.

Mayaya said...

Well said. It's funny how listening to a stranger talk about their day can turn out to be quite enlightening and worthwhile, if it's done right. You wouldn't know me, but I'm the YouTuber B1ueCadet3 and I love your blog!
Good luck with your life! I have little more to say, because God knows if I gave you advice, you'd be knocking on my door in a few days time, asking for your money back.

sdddlt said...

Very intriguing first chapter. With all those internet addicted roomies you might have to order the highest bandwith internet connection you can get :P

It's hard to predict on any of your posed questions, obviously... but I know for sure that I'll be here to read about your journey.

And, if I may use this quote, "the journey is the reward". So thanks for taking us with you, it's AWESOME!!!

Claytonian said...

hey our b-days are pretty close, which means I'll let you off the hook if you do the same, presents-wise. I know you were totally stressing that one.

Upsider said...

Take solace in the number of people online who are willing to listen, sympathize, admire, and support you - despite your complete lack of response to them.
Even in the absence of a simple, "Thanks for all your support", they continue to send you messages of love.
That's bordering on unconditional.
And that's something that would lift me out of a sadness.

james said...

I must say that for a while there I thought you might be going completely crazy, and it is good know that you are simply dealing with ordinary issues in quite a normal way.

It’s quite curious for you to say that time is the only thing delaying your happiness. Personally, I have found that happiness is not very good with time. It’s always showing up to the party late and leaving early. Damn happiness always thinking it’s the greatest feeling in the world and the life of the party. Well, I’ve got a message for happiness: simple contentment and sexiness are coming pretty close to replacing you, and the next time you are late, I’m not waiting to start the party. Show up late and leave whenever you want. There are plenty of other emotion fish in the sea, and they all have their party hats on. The party will go on with or without you.


Anonymous said...

I have nothing of use to say or contribute, so I will simply say this. It is good to read a little more of whats going on, glad to know that you haven't fallen off the face of the earth. Sounds as though things are uncertain at the moment, so good luck with that, and "the complication" too. Best wishes!

SuperJV said...

hey miss Caitlin

It's nice to see you back here. best to you with life and all it's "complications"

Ben said...

Hi there. You don't know me, and I don't really know you.. Except for what I've seen of you in your videos, which I really like. They're very funny and you seem like a nice person.

Good luck out there. I'll probably be in the same situation you are in right now in about 9 months. I hope you will keep updating this blog, I really want to know how your life turns out. You seem so much like me that I sort of feel like whatever happens to you out there, on your own, could very well happen to me.

This internet.. It's crazy! Two people who will probably never, ever meet, living two totally different lives, both trying in different ways to succeed in this world, crossing paths for a second. A virtual path, but a path nonetheless.

Uhh, yeah. Anyway, have a nice life! :)