The Social Network & Aphrodisiacs

This week I felt like I spent a lot of time horizontal.

I finally deciding on a school only to find out it will be almost impossible to study and survive and that I'd have to wait until January to apply and by then my VISA would be over so I'd only be able to apply as a Student and I could only work on campus.

I decided to just go back home.

My application for a Green Card is preliminary, anyway. The lawyer wanted to see a bio and my previous application to see whether it would be worth our (read: his) time.

My travel plans also changed. I can't afford Canada. My Mum was right. But Emily in Santiago is still a-once-in-a-lifetime thing, so, yes Santiago.

I saw The Social Network twice. On Thursday with iJustine and MGM - who were in town for a panel for AdWeek and DeStorm shortly before he moved to Los Angeles.

I really enjoyed this film. The Tilt-Shift used in, what I like to call, Part Two, of the film was awesome to see on the big screen, since I've only seen it on Vimeo-sized screens beforehand.

Andrew Garfield was a delight and I knew that he was definitely on his way to being a "Star" - later I found out he was chosen to be Spider-Man in the new series of films, so I have the eye for these folks... like all the hundreds of other no-names in Hollywood. Sigh.

I saw it again the next night with Jen with this big crowd of tech nerds. Jen said Twitter or someone was there with a case of beer. Whatever. A girl lost her phone but it was quickly returned. Afterwards I went with Jen to have an egg cream and we discussed the future. She told me it's all about trial and error, but I told her that because I do not have the convenience of being a citizen, I don't have the luxury of wasting time on trial and error.

Leaving for Australia seems more and more like the best idea. I really want to audition for WAAPA. However, seeing pictures of old friends makes me not want to go back... not because there is anything wrong with them, but because there is something wrong with me.

There's a quiet fear of feeling like a failure for returning, a fear of once again feeling like an outsider. To return when so many of my friends are overseas...

On Saturday I went with Dr. Johnson to St Marks at what became my favourite Japanese restaurant, too. Afterwards we bought cheap bottles of shots and cans of coke and mixed them with our drinks while watching Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas at midnight at the Sunshine Theatre. Afterwards we went to a bar... though I do not remember it.

On Sunday, slightly hungover, we had Big Daddy's for breakfast, though it was probably well after 2 by the time we at there... maybe even near 4! I saw my nails and they were dirty. Fingers get so dirty in New York.

Afterwards I met Molly to go the Museum of Sex, which was interesting and funny and I felt a little immature. The Anime of the threesome was kind of hot in a very... juicy way... I mean a sexist way. Yeah. Ugh.

Afterwards we went downstairs to this Aphrodisiac bar and we each chose a drink with different qualities. Mine was apparently good for productivity and it tasted nice too, but I didn't see any grand leaps in productivity that night or the days that followed.

We meandered around Eataly and the Madison Square Market and decided on Tapas for dinner at this restaurant on 19th that I had always wanted to go too, because of the beautiful chandeliers hanging up all around. Music began to play and people danced and danced, almost a little too wildly.

I vowed no more late nights! My vow was quickly broken.

The Wardrobe

That Hoarders show really struck a nerve. I just put a whole bunch of clothes into a garbage bag, and I'll need to sort the clothes out again in the morning because one garbage bag wasn't enough, I can't even tie it up.

I'm not going to simply throw the clothes away. I will donate some clothes to the material donation truck that has now moved to Union Square (I spotted it today on my way to the CoinStar at Food Emporium) and others I will clean and donate to Housing Works.

I also have a bunch of t-shirts sitting in a corner which will be attacked by material scissors tomorrow. I don't like the t-shirts, but I love the patterns and images on the t-shirt, so I'm going to cut them out and make them into a quilt of sorts... or maybe a banner... or maybe a pillow cover - I don't know just yet, but I don't want to part with them completely because some of the shirts instantly transport me back to a moment in my life so clearly and we all know how special that moments feels. So I feel like I'm making a compromise. I'm half-hoarding? I'm recycling?

So. Let's do inventory, shall we?

Underwear: 16 pairs (Oh, you need to know)

Socks: Err... Well I'd like to have 14 pairs of socks. That's the goal. I have more than that but most are crazy wide-eyed loner socks on a doomed space mission to Venus.

Bras: 7

Sleep Wear: 4 PJ bottoms, 1 PJ Top (I'm a bit grumpy at myself because I purchased a slinky garment to sleep in and now have noticed that the zipper is all misshaped. Waste of money. I sighed and muttered to myself, "You keep doing stupid things over and over again!" Drama.)

Tights/Stockings: 7

Scarves: 6

Gloves: 4 pairs

Hats: 1 Beanie

Jackets/Coats: 4 plus a Waistcoat.

Belts: 4

Ties: 2

Pants/Jeans: 7

Shorts: 4

Skirts: 3

T-shirts: 11

Shirts: 7

Dress Tops: 7

"Under" Tops (for wearing under sheer clothes or for layering): 6

Dresses: 13

Cardigans/Sweaters: 10

I like that all my clothes can now easily fit on my bed in neat piles. Small piles too, which means I could probably squeeze my whole wardrobe into a suitcase, which has been a dream of mine for a while. I can only imagine that I will get rid of more things once it gets colder and I know what I really need.

I hope that after a while of getting some "wear n tear," I can purchase some items that I feel closer resemble where I'm at in my head... because that is important and also not important at all but should still be acquired and shouldn't be at all.

OK. Great. All the clothes are now folded neatly or are hanging in my wardrobe. I don't have enough space for the cardigans and sweaters, so I'm just going to hang the hangers on top of the hook on the door.

Clothes: Done.

I can now calmly move on to getting through the newspapers, magazines, books and "things to post" that are taking up most of the space here in The Land of Caitlin. The books will be a problem, but I'm confident that I can tackle a sizable amount of magazines before the end of November.

Weekend Update: Luke gave me a jar of US coins to cash in at CoinStar because he had not done it yet and would have no use for them. It totaled to $16.00 but the CoinStar didn't say the usual, "Chi-Ching!" I was disappointed at the lack of chi-ching.

I then went to Cosi for a quick sandwich and was seated by a waitress and everything, which was really strange. My Mum called and we spoke briefly before I had to hurry on to the N train to get up to 59th St and 5th Avenue to see Mao's Last Dancer at the Paris Theater.

As I rushed around the Plaza Hotel, there was a crowd surrounding a line of official looking cars, but I didn't care, I just huffed and pushed my way through, wanting to make it on time to see the film. I was also really excited to be going to the Paris Theater for the first time.

I'm looking forward to seeing Morning Glory, the film has a great cast and it looks like it'll be a lot of laughs. Rachel McAdams and Harrison Ford on screen together??? It just has to be amazing.

Mao's Last Dancer was quite beautiful. I have the book back at home because my dance teachers during my first (and only) year at QDSE told us all to read it. I hadn't read it, which was good because I'm sure I would have enjoyed the film less. I loved Bruce Greenwood's performance and his awesome accent in this film, he was a delight. The ballet dancers also did a good job at acting, which is usually awkward to watch, so props to the director, Bruce Beresford. I especially enjoyed the subtle comedy, which was often delightfully awkward.

One line stuck with me, "Sometimes you just have to be strong." I need to tell myself that often.

Some of the people watching in the theatre were really loud, one lady was almost a heckler, she kept telling the Chinese characters to put their "papers" up... somewhere. One guy also annoyed me by whispering, "It's a flashback" to his partner during a flashback. Like you couldn't tell by the slow-crossfade? Come on, man.

It's always a pleasure to see Amanda Schull, because I absolutely adored her when I was a young wannabe ballerina and I really liked her and Chi Cao's chemistry on screen.

I was pleased to see, during the very fast-credits, that part of this film was produced in Australia and financed by Screen Australia, so that made me very happy because it seems like a good year for Aussie cinema, what with that and Animal Kingdom both out and doing pretty well here. Maybe Aussie cinema isn't as damned as I thought it was.

Afterwards I took some photos of the lovely window displays at Bergdorf Goodman and then headed down to Union Square to see Catfish with Molly, which was pretty darn incredible. I found myself recognizing so many moments that the main guy is faced with. It's just incredible what the Internet and that perfect block to hide behind called Texting can do to a relationship.

It made me once again just want to shut the whole thing down. I don't like how open my life is to people sometimes. Someone commented on one of my old blogs saying that I do this because I "love" the audience... err, that isn't true. Let's just leave that there.

Theatre and Fashion on Broadway

I missed a work meeting and felt little of it, as was my habit at the time.

I joined the usual morning hustle of normal people who wake before 12pm. I had coffee. I had the subway, all the way up to Times Square. I was late but not too late.

I walked around the road blocks and squeezed myself in, as close as I could, to Broadway on Broadway. It was lovely. Inspiring. A little lame at times with an ad campaign having to film twice. Pathetic.

They sung Empire State of Mind and confetti streamed down from the buildings around us. It was quaint. It was joyous. I felt a little sad.

The coffee, as always, went straight through me, and I wandered around nervously looking for a bathroom. I'm very nervous about seeking out public toilets. I don't like to ask restaurants. I don't like to be rejected. I also never know what I'm getting. Thankfully the Applebees on 50th or something happily let me in. It must be a common thing. I was thankful for common - and clean! - toilets.

Down into the warm Subway again, and up at Lincoln for Fashion Week. I went simply to People Watch. There was a covered passageway that all the people with tickets were entering and exiting. I watched them arrive, I watched the paid-photographers and enthusiasts and fashion bloggers run after the incredibly stylish one. Watched the faces, frozen in a look of, I don't care but I really do care about what all these people think of me. So many delightfully inappropriate costumes for this weather.

I just leaned up against a column, holding my iPhone and a magazine that a promoter had given out and I suppose I looked like I was waiting for someone or something, but all I did was look and smile with delight. I probably seemed quite creepy.

It soon grew to cold to hang around and after one lousy iPhone snap of these cool kids hanging around for their car, I dived back into the subway. I was full of inspiration. To be oh-so-New York. To be grown up. So I bought the Sunday Times and felt awesome with the weight in my arms. It's totally ridiculous that inky paper can make on feel that way. It becomes a trend. You become a poser. However, I was seriously concerned about it's depths. I wanted to read every thing.

Dr. Johnson was working at Next New Networks. I met him for a sandwich and then wanted to just chill out in the office and do my own work, out of every one's way. Except I happened to pick a toy hamster that would not stop making this ridiculously loud noise. After so many attempts of getting it to shut up, we buried it deep in a box somewhere and it eventually grew quiet. Thank goodness. Dr. Johnson felt nervous about me being there, so I left, tail between my legs.

I dreamed of legs actually. Then I just hung out, read the paper, watched Dexter, deleted a Myspace and another Internet version of myself.

BEDA - Day Twenty-Eight - Bloggable Weekend

Have you ever had a day, week, or a moment that was just so surreal at times that you couldn't possibly stay in the moment? That you had to start thinking about how you were going to blog about it? I don't like doing it, and so I either trust that if it's very important it will be written about or I make a little note on whatever I have on me at the time, usually my iPhone, to sit down and write about it...

What I've come to realize is that my idea of a "surreal" day, week or moment, is just me actually doing stuff. I do so little, my day, especially in New York, mostly consisted of things to be done on the computer, so when I'm actually moving about and talking to other Human Beings I can scarcely believe that it's real.

For other people, this is just life, for me, it is a happy accident. Like, for a moment, I have slipped into the adult world without having the proper identification. I hope to be this busy all the time one day. I actually like being busy, but I can't be at the moment because I'm a bit of a disorganized mess. You need to be organized in your own life to successfully be busy without having a meltdown.

Let's recap...

Molly, Anthony and I had decided to go down to Governor's Island to ride bikes and just have a jolly good time, which is about all you're able to do on that place.

I love Governor's Island and I'm actually a little bit sad about it having new development because I love the abundance of abandoned buildings. I always wanted to sneak in there with some friends and a camera and do a bit of gorilla film making, make a fun horror movie or something.

We mostly had fun taking dramatic photos and ate some stale burgers and hot dogs with beer at the fake beach before trekking back over to Manhattan. Michael had told me the night before or maybe at the last party where we had decided to go to the Island that he would come, but he didn't. I was disappointed but tried to hide it.

Oh, look! Here's a book about Governor's Island! Let's read it!
















I was excited about the Good/Bad Move Night Sleepover that Justin was throwing. Justin and I had been chatting about it for months and I was looking forward to it so much!
I didn't have an nice PJ's though, so I went to KMART and bought the nicest and cheapest PJ's I could find. I don't like shopping at huge chain stores anymore, but when you are cheap, that's what you have to do.

The Good/Bad Movie Night was great, though there wasn't as many people as I suspected and most of the people who make the most noise and comments during the film were not there, and so I felt like the loudest one and therefore maybe a little annoying. It was difficult though, we were watching Labyrinth. It is very hard to not sing-a-long to Labyrinth!

Michael didn't show up until 3am, drunk and loud and very Michael-like and preceded to sit right next to me. I was a little bit upset because I felt a bit used just having some boy come sit by me when we're close to going to bed instead of wanting to share my company and Luke was there too, so it was a little awkward. If I was a better person I would have just found a place on my own.

The next morning was a little awkward. Michael didn't stay to have breakfast with us, so again, it just seemed like he was there to crash and little else. It was nice hanging out with the other folks though, they are all really lovely and funny.

Later, I went to meet my Aussie friend, Seb, who was studying acting at the Atlantic Acting School, and we had lunch at a lovely restaurant near the World Financial Centre, looking out over the waterfront. We talked about girl problems and other things. Seb's a really great guy and it's weird to know that I've known him now for over 5 years.

















The problem is that I almost always run late to meet Seb. I don't know what it is, but I'm always late. So, I then had to rush up to Central Park, after walking around downtown with Seb, and I was cutting it fine. I had to be all the way downtown to meet Molly, Luke, Brad and his friend for a Lower East Side Murder Mystery.

We half-ran, half-walked all the way up to where Anthony and Ella and Eric were and then after a few minutes I had to dash off again. Into another cab, spending way too much money, all the way down the Bowery.

I had missed the intro but the "adventure" itself was just starting. We were wandering our way through the diagonal streets of the old LES and suddenly a short, blonde haired man dressed in period clothing rushed by us, and we got started on our clues. I just thought the guy was cute. Turns out the creepy guy did it. Who'd have thought?

I think we then went out to Brooklyn for Luke's going-away party? Was that then? I'm not sure. If it was that night, it was dramatic... and I cried and did bad things and dramatic things occurred.

I crashed at Luke's and helped him pack up and ship the rest of his stuff and we had breakfast at our favourite Mudd Cafe, and continued packing. We then wandered around the East Village saying goodbye to things and ran into that cute actor guy from the Murder Mystery. I would run into him a third time next month.

















It was very sad to say goodbye to Luke. He was very special to me but I don't think I showed him how much when I knew him. He's also quite different to me so maybe he doesn't care that much. I don't know, he was a huge part of New York City for me and I'll never forget him.

BEDA - Day Eight - Waffle Week

August 24th is National Waffle Day, and since I'm clearly so excited about it all the way back here on August 8th, I thought I'd list some places that Yelp (you know, that bitchy site where none and all of the information is helpful) recommends you to check out during Waffle Week, because one day of Waffles is simply not enough.

Since I'm slack at everything, I know I'll probably run out of time to eat a Waffle on Waffle Day and I won't realize it's Waffle Week until Waffle Day.

It's also Luke Week that week. Luke Week involves hanging out with my best friend in New York, @lukees, and doing whatever he wants to do before he leaves for his homeland, Canadadia. So, I probably won't eat Waffles on Waffle Day. Chances are, we'll go to s'Nice for lunch and I'll have a Curry Cauliflower Wrap, which-shit-I just remembered is still sitting in my bag! In the future, that is.

After lunch, I'll probably be so stressed from the disaster that is my work that I'll duck over to City Bakery and grab a shot of hot chocolate and a chocolate cookie with white chocolate chips.

Oh, and this is after I get confronted by a "Fortune Teller" who tells me I am very lucky and makes me sit on the sidewalk with him while he guesses a few things correctly with some paper tricks and gives me a special little rock which I "must not show to anyone!" All for thirty-five cents, which is about all I'll have on me at the time. He'll ask me to go visit his car... or his store (I won't be able to understand his accent) for some possibly dangerous reason and he'll tell me I "think too much" when I decline. Then he'll immediately approach another "lucky" lady once he's done with me. Still, cool trick, though.

So, without further Blah's of the Blah Blah, here are my desired establishments to eat a Waffle at... one day... probably not during Waffle Week, because just remembering it's Waffle Week will be hard enough for me.

Penelope - for the Pumpkin Waffle with Apple Butter

This place almost seems worthwhile because it's website isn't completely shitty. It's always nice when the flash works or when the website is actually there. That's a big plus for me.

For breakfast they serve a Strawberry and Toasted Coconut Waffle with a side of papaya (a fruit I can never put a familiar taste too, except maybe disappointment) - they call this waffle, The One Night Stand Waffle, so you know it's probably going to leave you feeling a) hollow and cold or b) vivacious and powerful, rrrr, you sex kitten, you. Read: I hate your self-confidence, lucky bitch. (Jokes... sort of.)

I can't find the Pumpkin Waffle that sounded so delicious on their menu, but still, seems worth a visit.

Wafels & Dinges - for their Wafels and... Dingoes.

Now, I can definitely see myself visiting this place during Waffle Week. I'd visit it today, but it's not in my part of town (or Waffle Week... is this joke getting old yet?), however, when it is, it's open late, so there is no excuses. Putting it in my iCal now.

It's all about the Dinges, man. Toppings, that is. Ice cream, sauces, spreads, fruit. OMFG, I want to be there right now.

Petite Abeille - FOR THE STATUE OF TIN TIN AT THE DOOR AND THE TIN TIN COMICS YOU CAN READ... and some waffle or whatever.

With so many convenient locations (for me), I can't possibly say no to this "diet breaker"

It's well acclaimed and-ohmygod, I dislike so many of the people on Yelp so much. Do you see what I'm saving you from right now? "I would rate this down to three stars for having the AC running low on such a hot day..." HOLY SHIT. SHUT THE FUCK UP, SWEATY MAN. These are the people who are single-handedly killing the earth. They buy waffles and they kill baby seals.

Moving on, this is the place to go for breakfast (their eggs are meant to be magnificent) and for the Liege Waffle. Do you know what that is? I don't, but I want one.

Their website is pretty confusing, seeming to only advertise beer, mussel and lobster nights, so use the Yelp site (I'm sorry) to warm you up to giving it a visit.

Amy Ruth's - for fried chicken on a waffle... just like everyone else.

This place is famous. I didn't need Yelp to tell me that. Most of my NYC Tourist Books have Amy Ruth's stamped on the map. I've been planning on going there since my first few months here (since the restaurant starts with an A, it's one of the first places I've always felt guilty about never visiting for a long time) but just never made it that far up without it being an accident or without a tour bus. The East Village can be so distracting. I sound like a real prick right now, hey?

You'll want to get there early before the crowds, though there will probably be crowds anyway. Make a day of it, work your way down through Central Park, and through the museums.

My favourites?

The American Natural History Museum - but only go if a) you've never been there before and like the idea of taking pictures in front of 100-plus-year-dead animals or b) if you actually have the time to go to an exhibit or actually read the information they provide in their many halls. Too many times have I gone with friends who have never been before, and if you're not going to learn or see anything new, there's really no point.

The New York Historical Society - it's right next to the ANHM and the paintings here are really brilliant. I went to see the exhibit "New York Painting Begins: Eighteenth-Century Portraits" which are really a bunch of creepy, pretty, and sometimes badly painted portraits of well-to-do family members holding flowers or books or other objects to symbolize their status, business or interests. I enjoyed it because it made me realize that I could easily have been one of these Eighteenth-Century painters when I think of my reproduction of a portrait that I started late last year.

The Metropolitan Museum of Art - go to the Temple of When Harry Met Sally and recreate one of the sweet scenes when Harry asks Sally to dinner. If that doesn't justify a trip to a museum, then take lots of photos (the lighting is fabulous) and wander all the way to back (or wherever it is) to the Public Storage Rooms and the other super duper creepy replications of rooms from churches or mansions or other New York estates. When it's just you and a security guard at about 7pm at night, this place gets eerie.

But what are we talking about Musuems or Waffles? I wonder if there is a Waffle Museum somewhere? *Googles* No. But there is a Waffle House Museum, the first location of a Waffle House, well thank the sweet Lord for that preservation. Ahem.

Other Places To Eat Waffles or Waffle-Like Things And Feel Bad About Yourself Afterwards:

Melba's - chicken, waffles, strawberry butter

The Stanton Social - chicken and waffles or is it chicken IN waffles? Somebody actually listed EVERYTHING they ate there, including their bottled water, and remarked "the food came out fast, maybe too fast but we would complain if it did not come out fast enough" STAB. STAB. STAB.

Steak Truck - Waffle Fries and men in suits.

Wogies - Waffle Fries with Beer and Philly fans... *shudder* (again, jokes... sort of.) or 99 Miles To Philly - if you really like Philly fans.

So the evening has come, and I'm hungry. I wonder what I'm going to have for dinner... Waffles, you say? Nah, I feel like pancakes.

ZING.

BEDA - Day Three - VAEDA and BAEDA and VidCon

Wow, the last few days have been quite hectic. We are currently in the middle of a campaign here at Hitviews and it's really not a good time to be thinking about a video or a blog a day. So instead I find myself thinking of them at night... and then editing them in the early hours of the morning... and then falling asleep on the floor. This can't be healthy, but it's not like it's a dramatic change to my usual schedule.

I currently have my 11 minute long VidCon video exporting right now, and I'm sure it'll take even longer to upload. I like the video, it'll be good evidence of an enjoyable weekend I had. I wish it wasn't so long, but I didn't want to sacrifice what I had to say just to satisfy or attract a few extra people.

So, as the title suggests, I am participating in VAEDA and BAEDA. Vlog and Blog ALMOST every day August. A witty title, JimTheHermit came up with in my comment section. I don't plan on skipping the work, I plan on simply catching up. I need to have faith in myself, though I can already hear my BlogTV Crew groaning. Thanks guys.

Here are some notes I made while at VidCon.

Wednesday Night - wrock, hair, heat, going a little crazy, the first gray hair, exhaustion.

Thursday - inappropriate airport songs, in-and-out and the planes flying over, meeting Matan, nerves before arriving, constant loveliness of online people, Hank and John Green, reactions to new hair, nerimon, toby, nanalew, catrific, tessa, justine, alli, kevjumba, The VidCon Volunteers, general calmness that crossing out lines gives me, hanging around for no specific purpose, the room with John and Tom, beers. It was just so lovely.

Friday - "what is a brand? A brand is a promise," vidstatsx.com,

JOHN: I don't even know what's happening next because I'm so panicked."

The audience calls out names of who they want on next and Hank Green begins to trot on stage to help.

JOHN: Oh, yes I do.

Hank whips around and trots off.

SHANE: They like donations, and I always give them big donations and they let me run wild and don't ask any questions...

ANONYMOUS: That's very Catholic of them.

- On the Spanish Catholic Elementary School where Shane Dawson films his skits.

VIEWER: While you were growing up, losing weight and getting online...

- I found this opening line ridiculous and awesome at the same time.

Saturday - The YouTuber, CrabStickz.

I remember feeling so sad and lost at times. I think it was because I was not there with a group but by myself. I always felt like I was missing out on something because I was not with a fellow person involved in online video. I tried to shake it off, but it was hard to get over. I think that's sometimes why I felt so lost.

I remember spending a lot of time with Barats and Bereta who are just really lovely guys. It was the second time we had hung out and they are both so funny, it was nice to just sit and talk with them for a bit while all the crazy went down around us.

I felt uplifted by the positive energy that online video can create and the people seem to all be growing up wonderfully, and... I was thankful for every moment with these amazing people.

The East Coast is quite quiet now. I really only know a few comedy groups and then Mememolly and ISnoggedHarry, SupaDupaFlyGirl and... who else? There is the Next New Network and some Revision 3 people, who are some of my favourite people in the city, but it feels like everyone is up and moving to Los Angeles. I think that if I don't find myself on a plane back home in November, I would like to stay in Los Angeles or somewhere in California for the Winter. I really don't want to deal with another New York Winter.

That's the problem with New York City. Do you wait around to make more friends and better friends or do you just watch them all leave you behind?

***This was one of my Drafted posts, so I'm happy***

Coney Island: Take Two

The first time I ventured down to Coney Island. on the rattly N train, I was not in the best of moods. I can't remember why. I think it had something to do with wanting Emily, my best friend, to be hanging out with me, alone, and not with her cousin, an amazing girl, Louise. Now, it was silly of me to feel that way, because Louise is a lovely person and I enjoyed spending time with her, but I guess I was so desperate for familiarity, I just wanted my whole world to be full of Emily, full of home.

Or maybe I was just tired and wanted to sleep.

We arrived at Coney Island at around 11 in the morning, and despite the other tourists meandering around dully, the beach was quiet. Few shows were open and no attractions were running. The horizon was a dull, blurred gray. A sharp difference compared to Australia's gorgeous blue waters, relatively nice smelling beaches and crisp horizons. A perfect illusion of a split between light and dark blue. Yes, this definitely wasn't an Australian beach or, obviously, the Pacific Ocean.

We sat on a bench and stared out at the water. All quite silent. Politely sitting in our disappointment.

Eventually we walked further down the peer, stopping to marvel at the ghastly Shoot The Freak sideshow... or really, just to be gangsta.

Then we came across this hilarious quote on a mural of beach goers and other facts about oceans for the aquarium nearby. Poor George Tilyou. If he could see Coney Island now.

"If Paris is France, Coney Island, between June and September is the world."

Um, no. No, it is not. What it was in 2008 was a visual death-rattle. In my mind, when I though of Coney Island, was simply the clinking of three glass beer bottles and a creepy voice calling, "Warriors, come out to playyyy." Ugh, terrifying.

We quickly found our way back on the train, tipping out hats to the penguin lady as we scurried by, and took the train back up to Brooklyn.

We went through the art galleries and to Prospect Park, for Celebrate, Brooklyn! A fabulous treat of simply eye-fucking the shit out of this gorgeous drummer. It's all saved on my camera, too. One day I'll turn it into a joyous stalker video. Dear Drummer, I may call it. Oh please, I don't sound as creepy and as un-lay-able as you think I sound... well, maybe the latter part is true, but tell me that this man isn't a beautiful.

I think the real reason why I don't mind sounding like a complete and utter fangirl/idiot, is that a musician will never ever date me. It's just not in the cards for me. I was never attracted to musicians as a young girl and then a teenager. I found the ideas of their rusty fingers (guitarists) kind of gross, and it wasn't until a few years ago that I really started listening to music. Really listening to the layers and finding great joy out of discovering a note here or there that suddenly gave the song a whole new meaning. I've met a few musicians and we can talk, but I'm just not cool or laid back enough for a musician, and that's cool, because I really don't want to be buying those expensive t-shirts.

CAITLIN GETS BACK ON TRACK.

Yes, I am. So, when Josh M. suggested a trip down to Coney Island, I was up for it. I wanted to see what had changed and Josh had mentioned a new park and I am always keen for rides and silly fun, so we penciled it into our diaries and headed down one hot, muggy, slightly cloudy Sunday.

I wanted to get there early to beat the crowds and lines, and we did. Leaving at 10:30am, we arrived at the Coney Island just after 11 and it was already steamy. The so-called MTA deal is actually pretty shitty! I don't think I saved more than a few dollars.

Luna Park was empty and we had no trouble getting on to rides instantly by the time we had rode a few rides Deno's Wonder Wheel Amusement Park opposite was quite crowded. I didn't ride the classic Wonder Wheel.

There was glitter everywhere from the Mermaid Parade the day before which I had debated going to while standing in the kitchen watching television. "I could just go down now." I'd say... but it didn't happen.

Most of the rides were really tame but fun all the same. You feel so safe in them that you can completely let go and enjoy yourself and trust that you're not going to fall out. I like feeling safe on those kind of rides, it's just pure fun.

It's the complete opposite when it comes to the Cyclone Rollercoaster - that thing is a beast and an ancient one at that. It's apparently brought born mutes to their voices and brought up other people's stomach contents, but it has a pretty decent safety record, so we gave it go.

We were there for it's third or fourth ride of the day and the line was so short that we got on straight away. It was rattly as all hell and I kept apologizing to my brain and boobs the whole time. Looking at the track is probably not a good thing to do because it looks like they just place planks of wood down wherever it seems to work.

Also if you do travel on this roller coaster, be sure to sit with a partner. Our friend Josh in the back was by himself and was flung completely to the other side of his seat. He swears he almost fell out of it.

The best part about the cyclone is that you can ride again for $5 dollars. So we just handed them our $5 while they held the coaster for us and I think we even switched to the very front, but my mind is shaken up now that I'm not sure. Either way I have a memory of being like, "Oh man, I wish I hadn't decided to sit in the front!" so maybe it did happen.

We were done for the day after that. I was had cried out in glee both rides but now I was feeling a little queasy.

I definitely recommend riding on the Air Race. Grown men squeal on this thing. I loved it. Eyes open the whole time, arms hanging out. It's similar to the Claw at Dreamworld so I guess I was prepared for the spins and being up and down. Definitely try it if you go there - it's so smooth.

As for the rest of Coney Island, they have their fried food and there condom and menstrual pad filled beaches - I don't want to relive it anymore than I already have, but if you want to give your kids a quick Sex Ed lesson, go no further than Coney Island's shore.

They also have there fireworks and I wanted to go on Friday night for Fireworks! but I didn't make it down for the rest of the Summer.

One of the famous things about Coney Island are the Freaks but I'm not really interested in the Freak Shows at Coney Island. If it was just a show full of Suicide Girls, I'd be more into it, but I saw the film, Freak and it was very disturbing. Awesome but disturbing.

Coney Island Take Two was definitely better. Thankfully people believe in the joy that place can bring and did a lot to spruce it up between 2008 and 2010 and more effort took place before then, too. I recommend being open to a day of fried indulgence and just knowing that there is always soap back home.

Cut!

Internet People (Who Are You?) and Little Cat Lost

To skim through this blog quickly, only read the large text, the smaller text are unnecessary ramblings from your one and only...

Living 24-7 with Internet people with barely any other friends or contacts in a hyper-intense city can be fucking stressful, yo.

I've been adding 'yo' to the end of a lot of my sentences lately, which reminds me, I must stop...yo. DAMMIT! So close to glory. It always alludes me.

I've been feeling very sulky and sad for the last couple of days because I've been sick and I hate being sick, and I am extremely into the bright-eyed world of Internet Consumption right now and dislike being pulled away from guzzling on the nozzle of my rusty tap of corrosive entertainment.

There is something about crap that I find so endearing. The fact that it was made. It's pungent innocence. I simply adore it. And when I must leave it for the real world aka work, I can not be motivated.

I am disappointed at the fact that I only seem to be able to do a job if I am completely content and inspired.

Today, for example, I did not wake up very happy.

Last night was dramatic in the household and nothing was achieved at all (thought it was nice to see Luke come back and fill his position as Head and Only Male of the House of the Internet), so I went to bed tired and sick and woke up to continuing disappointment.

The only way I could get my groove back was by turing on Pandora and side-stepping out to the Teen Pop stream. There is something about the Disney Teenyboppers, and Popular Music circa 2000-2004 that just gets me back in the right mood. The happy, inspiring, I can do anything mood.

You know what it is? It's a memory. When I was dancing around the house to popular music (and I listen to much more teenybopper music now than I did then) I was younger and excited about the future. Sometimes it was scary, but I knew (in my little, generic pre-real life kills your dreams heart) that I was destined to be something great. So I would dance around my room, my house or in dance class to the pop music of the time. I guess my memory has not yet forgotten the joyous sensations of body movement and performing. I really must get back into it before all is lost.

Ladies and Gentleman, if you can do me a favour and ask me if I've started going to dance class any time we speak, that would be most helpful. An e-punch in the face would also be most appreciated.

There really isn't much else needed to be said, I guess. I've got to take a leaf from Nike and 'just do it'.

I'm very happy with what I do at the moment, that's not a problem. It's about doing more. I did more as a 12 year old than I do now. I use to write and write, books of scripts - complete scripts - stories... I used to draw so much, and these days I would struggle to even compete with my 11 year old self at drawing a cartoon person.

I struggle so much with ideas and inspiration. It's almost like I can't go forward until I complete what I already started creating. I am worried that I am losing that inner-child or inner-cat that finds everything so fascinating and plays there way through life. I must win it back. I will.

It's just fear. When did I become so afraid? I use to bound down staircases as a toddler without holding onto the sides while my brother use to tip toe down them holding on the railings. When did I lose the sense of self-assurance? How can I get it back? When will I stop caring?

Honestly, people... I'm like, the human version of Radio. I'll just keep holding panels and talking about my problems instead of actually doing anything about it... over and over until my 'medium' dies out. Great.

That was depressing! Let's listen to Demi Lovato right fucking now!!!

Cool Spring Air, Opinions and A Quiet Night In

There are so many things I want to talk about, that just don't do well on a public blog.

Isn't that sad?

Sometimes, I wish that I had a greater level of anonymity, like I had when I was 16. I was quite public with most of my thoughts on my old blogs, and some people didn't really like it. Or they just thought I was being a silly girl. And I am most of the time.

I am very much enjoying Internet Life lately. I had a lot of fun at Rhett and Link's shoot for their new video (coming out next Monday). I was over-excited about the whole thing, and sometimes that level of energy can turn people off or confuse them, but on that day every one else seemed in a super happy mood too, and I remember laughing a lot.

I really enjoyed taking photos of the other YouTubers splashing around the pool, they are all so expressive. It's very fun to capture. I am looking forward to updating my camera one day, so I can really control the focus.

I fear all the shivering in the cool Spring sun might have made me sick unfortunately. I'm controlling it with Vitamin C and, as I type between mouthfuls, chicken broth (with lots of pepper) and some ginger noodles.

I also realized, while trying to make the broth more enjoyable, that I really don't know how to cook those floppy little mexican wrappy things. Wow. Well done, Caitlin. Good luck with your ignorance.

I'm a little annoyed with myself right now. For reasons I'd rather not divulge. I just always seem to come off the wrong way and misrepresent myself to friends, when I'm really just easygoing and couldn't really give a fuck. I don't have time for anything, and yet I steal so many minutes with caring about other peoples opinions on me.

I love nothing more than to analyze everything, but it does me no good at all, it simply drives me mad.

Anyway, I'm excited for my quiet night in. I'm going to get all my work done, and watch The City and Gossip Girl - for the City, of course, not the silly characters and lack of story-line.

Have you read the latest Vanity Fair? I suggest that you do so, it's a great read! I very much enjoyed the articles on the American Dream and how, through time, it has become something entirely trivial. And all that Bernie Madoff business, what a drama! I'm very glad that I'm minus $150 in the bank by my own causes right now. And I will never, ever, ever Invest. I'll earn what I earn and that is that.

Anyway, that's enough nonsense for tonight. Do you like my new "look" for my blog? This person, MacoMaco is kind enough to let people use his content as long as they are acknowledged. Very awesome, indeed. I wanted something that summed up all I want out of life. Film and Large Fields.

Film and Large Fields.

Love from The Alien Hatching Within The Body and the Messers Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot & Prongs.

P.S: I just realized that my roommates are like, the only people I hang out with.